Battling Through a Season of Loneliness

20
Feb
2017

Battling Through a Season of Loneliness in Motherhood

The past five months have been some of the toughest days of my life. It may surprise you, as it surprised me to admit it just a few weeks ago. However, it is the truth.

It is tricky enough that motherhood can be some of the loneliest years of our life. I know that and I can usually overcome those feelings of isolation and debilitating bitterness. But I feel guilt as well – because just six months ago we sold our home in Seattle, moved three hours west to a sweet and adorable town we’ve been dreaming of moving to, and here I find myself lonely?

I mean, how can that be? I am living the life I have been dreaming of!

But, even when we step out in faith and walk the path set before us, He never promises it will all be peaches and cream. And I have been a bit blindsided with the intense loneliness I’ve encountered.

I could go on with the reasons I feel lonely. They are all valid. I mean, it is how I feel and the circumstances are all true. Instead, I want to share with you how I’ve shifted my focus over the last few weeks to begin to see light at the end of my tunnel.

Break Free from Social Media

This is a tough one for me, since I run two businesses online and want to connect with my readers on Facebook – but the reality is, I need to take regular breaks.

For me, this season of isolation and loneliness intensifies when I am on Facebook viewing the highlight reels of everyone. I need to protect my heart and soul, which means not going to Facebook first thing each day or even several times a day.

Be Intentional

If you are like me and recently moved to a new community, which by the way is only 88 people big, you can’t wait for someone else to reach out to you. For months, that is what I did. Waited for someone to invite me to coffee or lunch. So in the past month, I’ve been intentional about making coffee dates and lunch dates with others and reaching out to them. Instead of fearing rejection I am stepping out with hope. This has been a game changer.

Worship

I have had sobbing sessions with God, weeping to praise music trying to re-focus and remember that I am not alone. He is with me EVERY SINGLE DAY. It’s hard, really hard, but I believe that He will never leave nor forsake me. I have burned the daylights out of my Pandora stations alternating through worship music. This is my song for 2017 – You Have Called Me Higher by All Sons and Daughters. This year will be a great year and through greatness comes growth and character development, which I believe can be found during these lonely seasons.

Be Gentle with Yourself

This area is so hard for me, because I like to have the perception that I am capable of all things, all the time. But the reality is I need to rest and allow my soul to just be. If I am down, let the feelings surface instead of just covering them up. A nice hot bath can do wonders for me. A cup of tea or freshly brewed coffee enjoyed in silence is so soothing.

Find Fellowship

When we moved, we lost connection with our church family. If anyone has moved, you know what I am talking about. Our normal became very NOT normal. We’ve struggled with finding a new home church, but in the past three weeks we’ve been purposeful about connecting and putting a priority on finding a local church where we can connect, contribute, and find fellowship. This has been a big stride in pushing ahead through this intense season, and it won’t solve all the ups and downs, but there is nothing like being connected with other believers in doing good for God.

Using My Crazy Oils

Emotional support – essential oils are amazing for helping in this area. When you inhale an oil, it takes less than 22 seconds for it to reach the limbic system in the brain. (More amazing facts about essential oils here!) This area plays an essential role in the formation of new memories about past experiences. So when I inhale different oils and continually repeat it can help shift my mood, my focus, and my attitude. There are days my oils – like Joy, Harmony, Stress Away, Peace & Calming, Grounding, and Sacred Mountain – have been my life line to survival, along with some worship music! I can’t imagine my life without my toolbox of all natural plant based goodness for my body!

Even though I have been in this season of transition, I know we are truly blessed to live where we do. So many other good things are coming from our obedience. I love the slower pace and finding joy in things I otherwise would have missed, like the sunset. Here is one I viewed on Friday evening – pure amazement!

Beach Sunset

What has helped you through seasons of loneliness?

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  • Julie Biffel

    What you are experiencing is exactly what I experienced these pat few months. We moved an 1 1/2 south of where we lived for 7 years and where I spent most of my life a week before Christmas! Left a place where we felt that sense of community and support and then left it. In addition we started homeschooling my 7 and 10 year old sons this year, left a church I loved and thought we would always be at and stopped working at a place I had worked for 9 years! After we moved I felt very lonely. I had some separation with my family because of different beliefs so I didn’t have that support either. We have a 7, 10 and 3 year old sons and a 18 month old daughter. After thinking we were done having kids, I found out I’m pregnant! I’m learning to depend on God to take me through the day. Finding a church has taken time, but I think we have found one and am looking forward to getting to know the women in the church. I need to take your advice about reaching out to others even though you really want others to reach out to you. Step out of my comfort zone. Thank you for your honesty in posting this. So often women want to act like nothing’s wrong when we really need someone to talk to, besides kids!

  • I can so relate, when we moved from Arkansas to Alabama it was one of the loneliest seasons of life despite reaching out in our new church, community and the children’s activities. During that time it seemed nothing had a harvest of friendship budding…then God seemed to whisper, “I want you to come to me for that closeness” and though I didn’t stop putting the effort into the new community, I leaned more fully into my God time. It was a season and from time to time it returns. Leadership roles can also be lonely as we give to others and if not careful can not nurture ourselves. Great post! ~hugs! Sweetie

  • Dr Mary Starr

    So blessed by this blog. We moved to Silicon Valley 90 days ago from the rural woodsie Panhandle of Florida. I miss miss miss my church and friends. It’s like I live with millions of people now but feel lonely. Being intentional is helping, and giving myself grace.

    God led us here and He led me to become a Full time mom after always having childcare 20 plus hours a week for my kids and did I mention I also had help with cleaning and cooking. So the past 90 days have been full to transition and tears but wow is it also so rewarding. My kids have blossomed, I have become stronger. I lean heavily on the Lord listening for every move I should make. Daily Praise music and Worship is helping a lot too. But I am going to up my oils and follow some more of your advice.

    And I also am planning a few more vacations away. God bless you Susan on your journey. You are a Gem!

  • Awe, yes – you are in the same season as I am. Moves are hard…. we are challenged in so many areas! Keep pressing on 🙂

  • Yes, I agree…. leaning more on Him is what I am hearing as well… it seems these seasons are more about showing us HIM than creating new relationships. I am hopeful and so encouraged by others who have such wisdom.

  • Julie, wow… you are in a HUGE season of transition. I pray you are able to give yourself grace and some self-care. Comfort zones are always so “comfortable aren’t they? I know we all wan to feel like we belong and we are wanted, but I have to remember that others feel just the same. So stepping out is a really good step to get connected, even when it’s uncomfortable. Praying for you as you venture this season.

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