In Fact I am NOT a Supermom

22
Sep
2014

Super-mom-I am not

I get emails every single day from other moms, asking how on earth I do all that I do.  

I hear the desperation in their voice, even while just reading the text….. it’s hard, everyone feeling like the other person has it all together.  It is time to share with you all – in this big public space how in fact I do not do it all, nor do I ever want you to get the feeling that I do!

Last week my heart resonated with this post from my good friend Myra over at My Blessed Life.  She shared how in fact, she doesn’t do it all either!  I could relate to her post SO MUCH and felt it was time again…..to share with you all the stuff that is reality for me and my home.

I have a housecleaner

Yep, I do.  This started about a year and a half ago as my blog and coaching business began to require more time from me and I had to find something that could be done by someone else.   I honestly really do enjoy cleaning my house – I mean I developed the Weekly Household Planner so I could easily keep up with things and also wanted to help other moms, but there came a point when something had to give.

There was someone anxious to come clean my house and it helped their family as well.  A double win!!

My husband helps – A LOT

I am truly blessed because I have a husband who is very good at stepping in and helping me out.  You see, this can be very challenging as I HATE to ask for help.  I am terrible – or very stubborn is more the term.  Even though my husband travels three and a half days during the week, when he is home he is amazing.  He will do the grocery shopping for me, he will run errands and he loves to do ‘projects’ with our four year old.

I fail

There are many days when things just do not get done, even from me – the QUEEN of to-do lists.  I have yet to really find a balance for myself on what I can realistically expect to get done in a day, but it is a process for me.  Learning more about myself as I ‘grow-up’ here!  Yes, I am 47 and still not grown up.  I learn that when I cram too much in my day, I get cranky, bitter and lose my patience just like other moms.  Instead of dwelling on that, I pick myself up – brush myself off, apologize to the person whom I just lost it with, and persevere. 

“I don’t know where you are today, you may be hanging on by a thread.  I write this to remind you that even in the ashes, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  It is HIS Grace that will carry you.  Because it is amazing.”  –  Kristen Welch, We Are That Family

I do not have an organized pantry

I try….but rarely is my pantry organized!!  I like to keep things neat, but hey – I have a total of six of us in the house, plus a dog!  And I am out numbered with boys in my home too.  I will never have one of those Pinterest rated pantry’s.  Never, and I am okay with it!

I do not always get up at the crack of dawn 

This is something I feel strongly about, finding my time with God and settling into my day – even if I harp and harp on this topic, there are days where I just don’t make it early.  I may have stayed up too late or just need some extra sleep.  I have to give myself grace, I am in a season of my life where my body is fighting back and when I am not forgiving, everyone around me suffers.

Chronic Depression, which I have thankfully been able to managed well with a healthier lifestyle as well as symptoms from Lupus can really impact my ability to enjoy certain things others may take for granted.  I must celebrate the little things and be grateful.

So there you have it – the real side of who I am and what really happens on this side of the screen.  I have never said I was perfect or that I can manage it all myself, but I think it can often be seen that way, by those of you who come here.  My desire is to encourage you and empower you in your role in the home, so bringing a touch of reality into the picture is truly important.

I must keep in mind several things each day and I encourage you to keep things in perspective as well:

I am 47, not a young mom by any means. I have a house of 6 – a 21 year old, 17 year old, 13 year old and a 4 year old and my husband all coming and going (oh, and a dog that needs my attention too!)  Our schedules are really messy – especially as a blended family.  My life does not look normal by any respect.  Each day is completely different – and add in that each week my husband travels different days.  I have two home based businesses that need my attention, a home to care for and a body that had some unique challenges.  

There are some days I do not get out of my pajamas – YEP!  That is true!

So I give myself grace and try to keep perspective.

What areas do you find you need to give yourself grace?

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  • Mindfully Making

    Thank you for this post Susan, I love the way that you have openly shared with us your day to day reality. I was nodding my head as I was reading it. I guarantee you I will be referring back to it as a reminder that we all have limitations and it’s ok we cannot do it all and it’s definitely ok to ask for help.
    ps. looking at my pantry right now it will never make it onto Pinterest either!!! It’s on the never ending to-do list.

  • Gina

    I often have friends who ask me “how do you do it all?” I love how you responded here – I’m the same — I DON’T! I work full-time (IT Project management…my sister’s husband is my boss), I have four kids, I homeschool. I don’t have a house keeper – but, since my four kids are at home 24/7, they MUST help. And they do. That is why I *love* your Planner — my kids can keep up with our daily household tasks and do what they are able to do. My husband cooks many of the meals in our home – partially because he LIKES to do that and partially because of my time constraints. And sometimes, I don’t do that last load of laundry so I can go to bed at a decent hour. I’ll toss it in the washer and set the timer so it’ll start the next morning and finish just in time for me to move it to the dryer when I get up. I always feel like I’m “ahead” for the day when I do that! 😀

  • monica_c

    Thank you for sharing this! I, too, am almost 47 with a household of seven, ages 17 to 4, with a child with Down syndrome, have a housekeeper every 2 weeks, a helping husband, and a business and I always get asked how I do it all! It always looks good on the outside, but the inside can be quite a mess with laundry, homework, paper stuff and more
    stuff.

  • Jen

    It’s always nice to hear that others are human too! It’s very easy to get caught up in the “looks” of others lives and feel like your losing, Thank you for sharing! This couldn’t have come at a better time in my life. I have 3 kids a husband and quite the animal farm (even though we live in town) and I am the glue. I have run my own home daycare for 8yrs with 8+ kids of others on a daily basis. But have recently quit to pursue my medical assisting degree that I achieved a few yrs ago. So on top of financially sinking and not having much luck on the job hunt I do and have always done everything around the house. I finally lost it the other day after years of asking for help. And even though I think I might have finally been heard after literally breaking down BIG TIME!! I feel more guilty that i let it go that far. I need to learn to keep the perspective because it would be a shame to lose it all and the one’s I love because of cosmetic reasons. So please ladies keep the perspective and give yourselves a break before you break!

  • Thank you for sharing Monica – reality is to be honest and real – I certainly am not perfect and cannot do it all – I cherish admitting this to others to bring the stress level down a notch for other moms – it is okay to be doing the best that you can!!

  • So glad that you have found the planner to be a help – it is nice for others to see what needs to be done and then can easily help out!! Love the wash tip too!

  • ani

    I am so glad to have read this post! I have spent the last year in discouragement, and it just keeps getting worse no matter what I try. Every mom who I look at seems to be doing so well, and I often feel so ashamed of how I just can’t seem to get my act together. But I am reminded that I really need to give myself some grace! Yes, I lose my patience. No, I don’t do regular preschool activities with my 2-year-old. Yes, I occasionally strap the kids into their high chairs and put them in front of a movie, while I collapse on the couch. Yes, my kitchen is typically drowning in dirty dishes. No, I haven’t mopped the floor in several weeks. And the list could go on and on about how I’m failing as a mom. But there’s another side to my story …. and I would love to receive some compassionate consideration from my would-be-critics (myself being the greatest one)!

    I have a 2-yr-old and a 1-yr-old. I’m dealing with chronic back pain, almost-daily migraines, insomnia, and some remnants of post partum depression & anxiety. With my health problems and a bunch of baby weight that needs to be lost, I REALLY need to be exercising regularly …. but many days see me throwing my exercise schedule out the window because I am simply exhausted or in too much pain.
    Our finances are very tight, so I spend a good bit of my precious energy and time trying to reduce our costs by doing things the hard way. We have recently embraced a whole foods diet, which is terrifying since I don’t know much about cooking … and in general, any attempt at doing better also gives opportunity for more “failures” to add to my already lengthy tab.
    Also, the military moved us to a location that is geographically the farthest we could possibly be from my family and friends, without leaving the country. I don’t know anyone well enough to allow them to care for my children and give me a break. And even though we love our church, we truly don’t have a support system out here. (I have made a massive mental note to not forget about the challenges of being a young mom, when my own nest is empty again!!!!) I miss a lot of church these days, just because of my health and fatigue, and when I do make it to church, I usually have to leave as soon as the service is over because the kids are tired or hungry or my back is maxed out (since our church doesn’t have a nursery). I am so overwhelmed with my health problems, home responsibilities, and just trying to get the kids to take naps at the same time, I simply cannot get myself to go on social outings so I can go for months without having a heart-to-heart with a grown-up other than my husband. But, no matter how many times I invite church folks to drop by for a visit (since they don’t have to worry about nap schedules and diaper bags and hauling around baby carriers), no one visits me unless I specifically invite them over for a meal …. a meal that takes every last bit of starch out of me and leaves me recovering for the next two days.
    I am doing the best that I can, in my unique circumstances. Yes, I could be doing much much better! But I really need to cut myself a bit of slack!

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