It’s All About Love

13
Feb
2014

Ebracing-Imperfect-Child

I have been dreading writing this post today, ladies.  My week has been likely one of my worst and I now I get to encourage you on how to love your child, be more patient and embrace your kids…..when I have done NONE of it myself this week.

Don’t get me wrong, I have tried…..but my own effort lacks so many times.  I stumble and fall and guilt almost suffocates me.  I need to be humble and admit when I have messed up and why it is hard to parent.

I am currently in a season of parenting that I just plain dislike, well…honestly it is more that I hate it.   My ability to grasp hold of patience has been extremely fleeting for me and I am not sure why.  I am great with the logistics of parenting, but the day to day ability to love and ‘go with the flow’ a bit more is almost nill.

“Motherhood stretches us.  If we allow it, God will use our children to smooth our rough edges and strengthen our character.”

This is what I try to tell myself amid the days of endless conflict with my little guy, through the whining, crying, emotional roller coasters and failures of effectively dealing with it all.  The bottom line, I still have so much more to overcome in this parenting journey, and God brought a little boy into my life in order to mold me into who He desires me to be.

It would be much easier for everyone if I wasn’t on this journey, let me just tell you!  But I have to remind myself that the journey really is about everyone else and not so much about me.  My selfish nature wants to yell, “What about me?” in the  cyclone of my repetitive mistakes, and you know….I keep hearing back that it just isn’t about me, I am a vessel – and yes, there is work to be done in me, but what I desire is not really what I need to focus on. 

There is so much more – and I am a speck in the picture.

Comparing and Accepting

I do compare my children; and as a blended family it is likely even more of an issue for me than I realized.  I had not really given credit to until I read this chapter.  Having children who are different is what all families are about, but when you add in children from different parents and all the unique challenges that come into play, I can see where I struggle with comparing and accepting my children just the way they are.  It is hard to admit that, but it is true to a degree.

I love my kids, all of them….but I do think I struggle with how Jill describes unconditional love:

“Unconditional love, however, allows for difference, embraces failure, and celebrates individuality.  Love is the strength that allows us to adjust expectations.”

She goes onto say that this unconditional love provides the perspective to us to NOT take their behavior personally…..AGH!  That is exactly what I do – at least with my younger children.  My older teens I can easily let go, but with younger kids I most definitely take it personally.

Apply

This week I am asking for God to help me embrace my child, as imperfect as he/she is and as imperfect as I am.  I need to Resist Judgment and Embrace Grace.

Like I said my week has been a huge disappointment to me.  But today is a new day.  Yesterday, I had to change my way of ‘normal’ and decided to have my youngest help me out by having a hug break every hour – to help us connect.  It worked fairly well, until I got busy and forgot to take the time to connect.

Around dinner time things started to escalate again, but I was able to calm things down because I still have some sense about me!  I am the adult and need to step up. 

I will try to remember the phrase, “brain growing opportunity” – if not for my child, certainly for me!  And another thing, as I was looking for other posts to share and link to in this post, I ran across this post I wrote when my now 4 year old boy first came to our house, not knowing how long he would stay…..but I shared from my heart…..I needed to be reminded and create that picture in how I felt when he first arrived.  Oh, how easily we can fogged remembering…..

Which antidote listed on page 66-68 do you most need to put into practice when it comes to loving your imperfect kids?

Start reading Chapter Four and I will see you next week!  

 

Finding Restoration and Renewal

15
Oct
2013


I was overwhelmed with your kind responses after reading my post yesterday.  I honestly had trouble sleeping Sunday night because I was wondering if I shared too much.  It is scary to reveal your heart to the whole world.  The easier approach would be to continue on my way, showing you only the side of me which is all perfectly lined up and straight, which is not much of me, mind you!  But instead, you met me with your words filled with grace letting me know you feel my pain and you in fact might be in the midst of your own.

I thank you for being that kind of community here.  That is what Christ wants, us to build relationships and to share from our hearts and I want that to be this kind of place, even more so when we mess up.

For those of you who responded to me, sharing that your hearts were feeling much of the same as I was, I wanted to give you some steps to move forward and help get out of the pit.  

I am still in the midst here, but am working hard on making things right and moving forward.  It’s great to share feelings and know that others feel the same, but if I can’t give some concrete steps to help others move out of the mess, than I am not supporting you all the best I can.

Journaling

I have not been a big journal person.  There have been different times in my life where I have kept more of a diary , but gave up this type of exercise because I felt I didn’t have time for it.  Honestly, I think that was my lame excuse.  I don’t really feel I am much of a writer either, but the thing is, when you journal you should not be worrying about the writing per say, but rather just getting stuff out on the paper. 

Over the past five or six months as I have been incredibly faithful in my morning devotional time (thanks for the HelloMornings group I am a part of) I have kept a journal.  Some mornings I write 2 sentences, sometimes it is just a verse that touched my heart, other times it is 3 pages of stuff overflowing from my gut.  This has been my tool to unwind emotions, frustrations and find even the simple joy in the seemingly unimportant when I otherwise wouldn’t see it.  Being the task orientated person that I am, I often find these types of ‘ways to explore my emotions’ as a waste of my time.  So far from the truth and I am sure a way of the enemy to keep me from digging deeper.

Morning Quiet Time

This will have been beat into your head and mind forever!  I can tell you over the years I have been very faithful in my morning devotion time and also a big fat “loser” in making sure this happened.  But I will say, and I know it to be true – when I spend the time in His word and allow Him to work on me first thing – before I start anything else, it makes a difference.  I can find hope, even in the midst of my sinfulness and frustration.  I can be recharged and encouraged to keep pressing forward.  

When I miss the time or am in bed thinking I will just sleep a little bit longer, like I did this morning, my body now actually begins to ache knowing what I will miss out on.  I know I will not get what I need in order to fulfill the needs my family has for me to serve.  Even in the midst of my bitterness and discontentment, I can find bright spots to carry me forward and it comes during this special time each morning.

YouVersion

I enjoy being surprised!  If you have not discovered YouVersion, an app for your phone or iPad, get it.  You have a wonderful array of different bible studies that you can choose from and they are all free!  I usually have three or four  different ones going at the same time, add that to the verse and passage for the day, that everyone else reads who is doing YouVersion, you are all set!  I love that it seems whatever comes up on my screen for the day is exactly what I felt God needed me to read.  I also am doing a Joyce Meyer 365 day devotional – Promises for Your Everyday Life, one on Serving, Hopelessness and Attitude.  Um- hum….yep, I need all those areas right now – BIG TIME!

Prayer

Taking time each morning to pray for myself, my husband and my family has made a big difference in my attitude and my ability to serve.  I admit, some mornings when I am feeling quite discontent or frustrated, it is hard to pray, but I force myself to do this out of faithfulness and obedience.  I found that when I write out my prayers in my journal it can be helpful – I can go back and review what I’ve prayed and can be so encouraged to see how The Lord has been working, even when I cannot really see it.   Because He is!!

In His Word

You have to be in His word – period.  However you choose to make this happen, do it.  His word has the ability to change – and I can honestly say that when I am at my most frustrated the last place I want to be is curled up on the sofa pushing pages in the Bible and seeking His truth.  But I know that is the enemy revealing in his success of taking me away from my Savior.  The one who gave it all so I could live – if Satan can succeed in keeping me out of God’s word, then he has won half the battle.

Scripture

Find scripture that moves you and motivates you.  Write those down on 3 X 5 cards and place them everywhere.  Be reminded in the midst of your day that He is here with you.  I have felt such relief with these scriptures:

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.   Isaiah 40:31

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  Romans 8:37

Pray

I find myself calling out to God more and more during the day.  instead of having this feeling like, I can handle it all, I realize I cannot and need Him even more.  If I do not call out for Him to intervene with His wisdom and guidance, then I am really on my own and portraying a mindset that I can do it all, which is not the case and arrogant to say the least.

Crying

Yep, I found myself in church Sunday just crying. I couldn’t say exactly why, but I felt relief.  I am an introvert and I keep things hidden and inside.  I think it makes things so much easier, but that is not always the case.  Find a place to be vulnerable, let emotions flow and allow His healing to emerge.

Repeat 

Yep, keep doing this over and over – it is an ongoing process!

I pray that The Lord will meet you wherever you are, in whatever mess you find yourself.  It is never too late or is it too overwhelming.  Know that I am praying for you all – we are a community of moms trying to do this whole gig right.  It is hard and we need each other nearly as much as we need Christ.  Give yourself GRACE ladies – GRACE!

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Happy Birthday To Me!

2
Apr
2013


Today is my birthday – hooray!  It took me a minute to really remember how old I was  – LOL!  Does that happen to others?  Curious……

In my 46 years of life, I’ve journeyed through many different seasons – marriage, single mom, foster mom, adoptive mom, step-mom, and college student mom.  I’ve had a crazy ride so far and I know there is more to come that will amaze me and keep me questioning how on earth God can think I can do these things!

I thought it would be fun to share with you today, 10 things that you probably do not know about me – listen in as I share some goodies you might find fun!

Listen to internet radio with Susan Heid on Blog Talk Radio

What do you like to do on your birthday?

Susan signature

 

 

 

photo credit

A Mom’s #1 Stress Buster

24
Feb
2012


There seems to be a few consistent factors that tend to trigger mommy stress, including financial strain, parenting concerns and worries, unrealistic expectations of ourselves and our kids, lack of support, too much to do in too little time, relationship conflict and just plain exhaustion.

Are you struggling with any of these?

Do you find that your stress level begins to skyrocket and even though you are already exhausted, it takes even more energy to remain in any kind of pleasant mood?

The impact that our stress has on our own bodies is incredible.  Stress sucks the life out of us, which means our interactions with others are negatively impacted.  Bottom line, our families suffer.

Moms who experience ongoing stress are prone to be more insensitive, harsh and more likely to make negative comments in an angry tone to their kids. Studies also should that a mom’s ability to manage stress is a strong predictor of the quality of her relationship with her children and how happy their children were!  OUCH!

Are you interested in learning to let go of some of that stress?  [Read more…]

His Love

16
Feb
2012


In honor of Valentine’s Day this past week and our ‘extra’ effort of showing love to those around us, I wanted to share with you this wonderful collection of scripture that is called, “A Father’s Love.”

I know I must have come across this at one time or another before, but it seemed perfect to share right now with you all.  I hope you will print out a copy and keep it close – when you are discouraged, feeling alone or having a bad day, remember how much He desires YOU and is Your Father!

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2 [Read more…]

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