Tips for Nurturing Your Marriage

12
Feb
2015

Closeup image barefoot couple legs at the beach

As I sit down to write this article on the importance of nurturing your marriage, I realize that it is likely more for me than perhaps you.  

I feel very convicted that I have not been making my marriage a higher priority.  It is like I know the why behind the importance, but the actual actions take time and energy, which as busy moms, are often lacking in our days.   With the scare my husband had with his appendix on Monday and the rush to surgery, I was really struck with how life can change in a matter of seconds.

The reality is, finding time to honor our husbands and share intimacy is extremely important in keeping our marriage a priority.   We can easily start to feel like roommates living under one roof with one goal in mind if we do not take the time to make our spouse feel special.

I am reminded of a very key point made by author Devi Titus in her book,  “The Home Experience” when she talks about honoring your husband:

Wives often mistakenly give to their husbands what they need rather than what he needs.  The Four B’s that husbands need:

Backed  (support, uplift, and encourage)

Bedded  (offer affection and sexual intimacy)

Boarded  (provide meals and a comfortable home)

Babied  (care for him when he is sick or feeling down)”

For those husbands who might be reading, she goes on to say what wives need:

“Loved  (both in words and actions)

Lead  (through kind direction and example)

Lifted Up  (encouraged, romanced, made to feel special)

Listened to  (without trying to solve all her problems)

Don’t you agree?

For me, as a wife, is seems rather simple.  If I can cover each of these areas in a day, then I would say that is a step in the right direction.   So what could that look like, without becoming overwhelmed with adding another “item” on my to-do list, let’s come up with some simple ways to incorporate fresh perspective our on spouses and creating that special connection that comes from dating.

Backed

Pray for your husband, ask him what you can pray for him in particular that day.  Find a minute to give him encouragement and praise for an area that you especially appreciate about him.  If he is having a rough day, take the time to encourage him with your words.

Bedded

Finding time to be intimate can be tricky, especially for those of us with young children, but this just gives you more of a challenge to overcome.  I totally get it, by evening I am exhausted and I have learned it is best to give my hubby a time frame – if we are to become intimate it needs to begin before a certain time.  That may seem not very romantic, but open communication is important in a home with kids coming and going, a toddler and a husband that works out of town!

But being bedded does not always mean having to have sex, it also includes affection by hand holding, hugging, caressing and being close.  Sitting together holding hands can often be just as special.  It takes intentional actions.

Boarded

Taking the time to create a nice atmosphere for my husband to arrive home to after being gone traveling is a huge blessing to him.  It is one way I can ‘date’ him in our own home.  We don’t have to go anywhere, but when I have the house picked up, candles burning or a nice meal on the stove, he is happy.  He knows I’ve been thinking of him – especially if it is a pie baking in the oven!  Fixing his favorite foods is an easy way to show him I care and am purposeful in serving him.

Babied

This one can be tricky if you have a man who declines help – but insist anyhow.  When they’ve had a rough day or are not feeling well,  be intentional to do something that will encourage him and make him feel better.  Maybe it is a cup of tea, a cold drink, a warm cookie or even letting him crawl back into bed to get some more sleep.  You know your spouse best, so think of those things in advance; those things that you know he would appreciate and finding comforting when he is a bit under the weather or feeling down.

It can be easy to procrastinate and always put off caring for your spouse.  We have our kids calling us all day and we tend to prioritize their needs above our spouses, because they are little, but our spouses our just as important and our relationship needs to be tended to and nurtured.

Just in time for Valentine’s day – a reminder for all year though!

5 Scriptures to Pray For Your Marriage

10
Jul
2014

Scripture-pray-marriage

Being intentional in marriage is extremely important.  I was reminded of this today as I read Marriage:  A Lifelong Journey (a devotional on the YouVersion Bible APP by Jim Daly.)  This paragraph resonated with me and I wanted to share it:

“Like a canoe, marriages often drift.  There’s no obvious conflict or struggle, just subtle distractions that lull spouse asleep.  Couples hardly notice they’re losing interest in one another until they end up somewhere they never intended to be.”  – Jim Daly

This is so true.  It can be easy to coast along and then before you know it, if you take your marriage for granted, even unintentionally, you are at a place where you do not want to be.  Alone, being room-mates or not engaged they way God created us to be together in marriage.

Being intentional can bring about a lot of “things” to do, but one thing we can do is pray for our marriages.  As I began my second time of reading “Wife After God” by Unveiled Wife, it all came back to me how I can let my marriage run on idle.  This will cause damage, even when I cannot see it.

As I begin an intentional journey of reading, journaling and praying for my marriage – just because, I thought you might want to as well.  My marriage is not in trouble, in fact it is great.  But it is when things are great that we must keep our guard up and be even more intentional.  This is where the enemy likes to wait and bait us.

Here are 5 Scriptures that I will be praying for my marriage – will you join me?

Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.  Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.  Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.   Proverbs 4: 24-27

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  Hebrews 10:23

Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.  Ephesians 4:2-3

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.  Ephesians 4:15

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

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