Week Two: Focusing Your Energy Effectively

21
Mar
2016

Free 5-Part Video Mini Series - Part 2: Focusing Your Energy Effectively

Welcome to Week 2 of The Opening Act

Becoming the Calm, Cool and Confident Mom You Want to Be!

 Putting It Into Practice Handout for Week 2

A note on the printable PDF handout – you may type directly on this handout or you can print it out to handwrite your answers. It is completely up to you.

We are talking about Focusing Your Energy Effectively – in other words, Self Care. This is a common topic for moms to chat about, but do we really understand how critical it is for us to have success in our motherhood journey?

I have shared many times on the blog before (one in particular) because I need to be reminded that it really is a non-negotiable item on our to-do list. And I shared a post which created a little controversy around my title!

Video for Week 2

Week One: Shifting Our Focus

14
Mar
2016

Free 5-Part Video Mini Series - Part 1: Shifting Our Focus

Welcome to Week 1 of The Opening Act

Becoming the Calm, Cool and Confident Mom You Want to Be!

I am so glad to have you here. My prayer is that over the next five weeks I can help you develop some new habits to enjoy motherhood in a different way. One of the best parts of this journey will be that it is FREE – it will cost you nothing but your time investment – but after all, isn’t your family worth it?  

Putting It into Practice Handout for Week 1

Each week I will have a short video for you to watch, as well as a Putting It into Practice handout. It is that simple!

A note on the printable PDF handout – you may type directly on this handout or you can print it out to handwrite your answers. It is completely up to you.

I mention the book ScreamFree Parenting by Hal Runkel in this video. It was critical in my shift of thinking and I suggest you grab a copy to supplement your journey over the next few weeks. 

Video for Week 1

Please share what resonates with you in the comments. Your sharing will encourage others. Come back during the week to check in too. I’d love to hear how it’s going.

The Four “F’s” of Summer Parenting

26
Jun
2014

Summer-Parenting-Strategies

I brought back a popular post from a few years ago to share with you.  I am away at the International Young Living Convention in Salt Lake City and honestly, I had all good intentions about writing a blog post for you all – but it didn’t happen.  I am sorry.

There is so much learning going on for me, about new oil blends released and amazing new products that I am trying soak in every single minute of learning so I can share more ‘oily news‘ that I know will bless your family.  So I pray for grace and for the new readers you will see this as new information and for my lovely treasured blog followers, let this be a gentle reminder for you.  🙂

Here are my four F’s of parenting for a  summer full of fun and less frustration, and yes, they are good all during the year too!

Be Firm

Clearly state expectations and consequences and adhere to them when your child acts inappropriately.  It can be easy to allow behavior to escalate or get out of control in the summer when you do not clearly state expectations and also remain consistent.  We tend to slack off a bit when things are more relaxed, but we all know the end result – not necessarily good.  Make sure you keep consistent and your kids will have a much better idea of how much they can trust what you say and if you mean it.

Fair

Consequences should fit the crime.  Have a few consequences that are in your back pocket so that you can easily respond to situations rather than allowing things to slide by.  In the case of recurring behavior, consequences should be stated in advance so the child knows what to expect and your consistent follow through is key to your child making better choices.

Fun

Even though summer can often lead to more work for us moms, find your own groove to create a routine that will allow you to be the “fun mom” and enjoy making those great memories instead of always being stressed over wet kids running through the house or eating s’mores for dinner!

Flexible

Learn to go with the flow – you will provide a great example to your children when they see things not going as planned and you are willing to quickly change gears.  If you have an outside activity planned and you wake up to rain, make sure you  have a back up plan you can quickly engage without a lot of drama!

Summer is a time to enjoy a change of pace from the school year. It’s an opportunity to focus on different interests or activities that you don’t have as much time for during the rest of the year.  

Replacing My Anger with God’s Love

10
Jun
2014

 Replacing-Anger-Gods-Love

We’ve all experienced it, the loss of patience, control and spewing of angry words, harsh tones and then regret.  I have had more than my share for sure and will often carry the load of guilt around like a treasured possession, even though I should allow grace to step in and release me if I have asked forgiveness.

“Feeling overwhelmed, trapped, and exhausted, I just wanted to take a nap.”

I could relate to that phrase Sue wrote in the very beginning of the chapter.  So many times my loss of “self-control” is due to my lack of taking time, being rested and slowing down.  I lose my patience because my expectations of a situation are much higher than the reality.  It is something I work on every singe day.  I am imagine you feel the same as well.

This chapter gave me a renewed perspective on my anger, how it erupts and what I can do about it.  There were a few very significant quotes that really resonated with me:

“The hidden habits of the heart can imprison our mind and emotions.”    

What does that mean to you?  How does reflecting on that change your perspective?

“Anger begins as a seed in the mind that takes root and grows.”

Oh, how I can take hold of this one and run with it.  I have the worst negative self-talk and ability to hold onto thinking that is not only negative but down right destructive to my relationships and my own spirit.  I know this does not help in my own tendency to suffer with depression and anxiety.  But with prayer and His guidance I can change my thinking and what I hold onto in my mind.

This is reflective in my actions, my responses and my ‘over’ reactions.

In a recent study I did of Lysa Terkeurst’s book, “Unglued” I discovered that I am both a stuffer and an exploder – and I explored the people I tend to use both outlets on.   I realized that my feelings and agenda have a lot to do with how I react and respond to different people.

Which brings me to what Sue said:

Most of the time however, we become angry or frustrated when we do not get what we want.  We have a goal that has been blocked or an agenda that has been thwarted.”

I find this spot on.  Like I said before, expectations play a big role on what I think of myself, others and how I respond and react.  I am so interested to find out how you can replace your angry tone (and mine) words and thinking with the positive that God so desires to pour into us.

I will be posting some questions this week in the Facebook group and look forward to sharing!  If you are not in the Facebook group, please feel to comment here and I will respond.

“With the help of God and by the grace of God, you are able to be the best mom in the world for your children.”  –  Sue Detweiler

The Need for Consistency in Parenting – 5 Tips

17
Dec
2013

Consistency-Parenting-Tip

Consistency: how many parents sigh or roll their eyes when they hear that word?  I know, I get it a lot.  That’s because consistency is tough, and most parents don’t feel like they are nearly consistent enough.  This is probably the most critical topic that I cover when I begin coaching a mom and we work out a plan to get things back on track in the home.

I thought that it might be a good time to cover a few basic guidelines when it comes to parenting our kiddos, especially with us embarking on Christmas break soon, having the possibility of traveling, visiting family and getting things out of ‘whack’!  We all know what no routine does to everyone’s behavior!

No one is consistent 100% of the time. But aiming for consistency the majority of the time is not unreasonable or impossible.  As Hal Runkel says in ScreamFree Parenting and what I share in my online coaching program, we need to be ridiculously consistent!  It is hard, but it is worth it!

Here are some tips on how to be more consistent as a parent and understanding why it is important.

Why Be Consistent?

What’s the big deal about consistency anyway? The point of all this consistency talk is simply this: if kids know the consequences of a behavior, and there’s no area of doubt, then they’re probably more likely to modify their behavior. BINGO!  That is what you are trying to help them learn, to make better choices!

Consistency puts action behind your words; it shows your kids that you do mean what you say. It gives your words power, and prevents you from having to take action every single time (often a different action every single time, which gets exhausting). So it pays to deliver!

“It comes down to integrity: meaning what you say, saying what you mean, and following through with what you promise.”   –  Hal Runkel

The Role of Planning

Planning ahead is important for consistency. Determine what your expectations for your kids are, from the broad (doing well in school) to the specific (behaving in the grocery store). Armed with your knowledge of your kids’ idiosyncrasies – you know what sets them off and you know the “problem areas” – come up with a plan of action based on their behavior and the behavior you expect. Then calmly implement your plan…consistently.

This strategy has helped me immensely over the years.  Different children, personalities and unique issues are prone to wear us down as moms, but we can use our minds and think ahead to trouble areas and try to avoid them.

Involve the Other Parent

Whether you are in a traditional marriage or not, if Mom and Dad are both in the home, it’s important for them to be on the same page regarding discipline and expectations. So a good idea is to sit down with the other parent and discuss your plans of action. Having both parents on board with the plan of action, expectations, and consequences just adds to the consistency.  If you do not have this, do not think things are doomed.  You will just be doing what you decide to do and cannot worry about the actions of the other parent.   Allowing them to dictate what you do is not a good idea.

Involve the Kids

Really? Yes, involving the kids is a healthy idea. Let them have a voice in the consequences, and make sure they understand the expectations. It’s not really fair to spring the consequences and expectations on them unexpectedly; it makes more sense for kids to follow rules if they know the rules (and the consequences of breaking them) ahead of time!  Having a family meeting to set up expectations is a great way to get everyone on board.  Allowing discussion on family rules and expectations as well as consequences for not following them is a great way to share in the process of working together for the whole good.

Consistency Is Not the Same as Inflexibility

There’s really no need to be rigid and inflexible for fear of appearing inconsistent. Sometimes, flexibility is required, and that should not undermine your consistency if you go about it the right way. For example, explain the change to your child – if it’s an exception to the usual rule, let them know why and that this is not going to be a habit. Or maybe one of the consequences does need to be adjusted; talk it over as a family and agree to make the change together.

This is not being inconsistent; it’s being flexible and willing to make changes where necessary, which is likely as good a model for your children as being consistent!  Learning to be open and allowing for different circumstance to enter into your thought process is one way you show your children that you can be realistic and reliable as well.

“Consistent enforcement of consequences is the single most effective application of authority in the parent-child relationship.”  Hal Runkel

Do you have trouble with consistency?

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