Allowing Your Kids to be “THEM”

5
May
2010

“You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts.”

Kahlil Gibran, Lebanese-American author (1883-1931)

Hal’s Take: Our job as parents is not to re-create ourselves. That is narcissistic and short sighted. But many of us do it anyway without even realizing it. The simple fact is, our children are sentient beings. They think, they feel, they create, they love. Period. With or without you, they have that capability.


The best thing you can do is love them and allow them the space to grow into themselves. Give them a chance to develop their thought muscles when they are young so that they can become strong, influential, confident adults capable of making their own decisions.

-Hal Runkel, LMFT author of ScreamFree Parenting

The Confident Mom’s Take: How many times do you allow your child to make a choice?  How about solve a problem or have an opinion that may differ from your own?  Or even be really, REALLY mad at you?  (If you have not had this one, it will come with the teenage years!).  It is a hard concept to truly understand and grasp, allowing your children to think for themselves and then let them make choices on their own.  This can start young too.  I think parents often make the assumption that allowing their children to make choices and then allowing them to deal with the consequences start at a much older age.  But how does that happen then?  You spring this on them at a certain age and then they have to try to understand and navigate this new area they have been given to make choices in?  I find that the earlier you start allowing your child to choose, display their feelings – good or bad (obviously displaying them in a negative way would cause a consequence) and respecting those choices, the better the relationship between parent and child.

So what can you give up trying to control in your home and allow your child to make a choice on?  I would love to hear your thoughts!


For more information on becoming ScreamFree in your home, check out the ScreamFree CPR self-paced DVD series available today!   It may just be what the Dr. ordered!

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