By Lori Byerly

Traditions bring us together and remind us of what has value to us.  They remind us of who we are and who we belong to.  They remind us of what we believe.  They write deeply in our hearts and can make a significant mark in our marriage and family.

Take stock of your current traditions.

My husband lives to go to a candlelight service.  It is not Christmas without one.  For my daughter it is the advent candles.  My son – well, I think he just likes it all.  I look forward to decorating the tree.  We all look forward to Christmas music the minute the Thanksgiving turkey settles in our tummies.

If the holidays get hectic, we simplify and make time for the few things that really matter to us. [Read more…]



Written by Lori Byerly

Growing up I spent a lot of time “looking forward to.”

I looked forward to starting school.

I looked forward to getting that new bike.

I looked forward to braces (what was I thinking?) and being a teenager.

I thought future changes would open up doors to “more important things. “ For the most part it felt like a bust.  Yes, I had friends, hobbies, schoolwork and other activities, but it all seemed a bit empty.

When would I get to do or be that something of value?

I graduated from high school, went to college, got married and had a baby (hang onto that baby comment).  Those things should have been important milestones.  I think perhaps I was just in the habit of seeing myself as “not enough” and that the “magic life changing moment” that was supposed to be out there was still somewhere in the future.  “When we move into a bigger house” then I will be able to be more creative. [Read more…]

I See


By Lori Byerly

I was visiting a friend’s home the other day.  I sat in a chair in the shade and watched her two-year-old twin girls play.  Their world was full of delight – chasing the kitty, being amazed at dirt and having boo-boos healed by mommy kisses.

As I sat there, I realized that I had missed something of importance.  When I think of writing something about family, it tends to run toward the “what we can impart to our kids” sort of thing.  What I was seeing with fresh eyes is that our children have so much to teach us.


Dirt really is fascinating.  I don’t know if you’ve really taken the time to look.  There are all kinds of little particles and sometimes little rocks.  There are weeds and bugs.  And when you add water, oh my, it’s just delightful.  [Read more…]

The End


By Lori Byerly

A common tool in coaching is to “begin with the end in mind.”

What that means is to consider a relationship or role and ask yourself how you want it to “end.”  You might think about what you want your husband to feel about your marriage relationship when you near life’s end or what you want to have imparted to your kids when they reach adulthood (or some other milestone).

This kind of thinking can help you figure out where you want to go and give you some idea of how to get there. It also has a wonderful way of revealing your values, which in turn keeps you nicely focused on what is really important. [Read more…]

When Martians Speak


By Lori Byerly

From my son’s first words, “sti” (stick) and “ra” (rock), I knew I was in for some challenging communication issues.  I love to play with words.  I love the subtle nuances of various words and how you can put them together to communicate ideas and concepts.  How was I going to live with this little person who made lots of “bbbppppttt!!!”  noises and whose greatest joy was taking things apart?

In time I did learn.  I had to enter his world of trucks and bugs.  I listened to endless stories about battle strategies between plastic soldiers.  Our house was littered with forts made of blankets and trails of Lego blocks (I don’t know of a single item that hurts more to step on than a Lego block).  Along the way I’ve learned a few tools and I’d like to share them with you. [Read more…]