Improving Parent Child Relationships

21
Apr
2014

 Improve-Parent-Child-Relationship
There are those days were it can feel like all the communication we have with our kids is to give instruction, deal with discipline and shuffling them on to the next task.  It can be exhausting and leave you feeling a bit empty, as well as your child.

Creating relationships with our kids is extremely important – it is necessary to be intentional, focused and be curious about who they are and what they think.

One of the biggest take aways I got when I went to the Hearts at Home Conference a few weeks ago was this revelation to me given by Dr. Kathy Koch – who by the way is an extremely talented author, speaker and plain full of incredible wisdom for parents.  She co-authored Jill Savage’s new book, “No More Perfect Kids,” and has several of her own on my reading list!

“We need to learn to raise the kids we were given, not the ones we wish we were given.”

This really struck a cord for me and the relationship and struggle I’ve been having in my own mind with my youngest.  I just have not been the type of mommy that he needs and I am determined to change.  Actually when I think about it, I have had the same struggle at different times in my life with different kids.  Why does it seem we often desire something other than what God felt was right for us?

I am great at coming up with routine, setting expectations and getting things crossed off the list, but when it comes to really getting inside his little mind……not a strength for me.  I think there was a time where I was much better at this with my older kids than I am now.

Perhaps I am not alone?

The Importance of Communicating with Kids

Often, as parents, we talk to our kids but it is frequently a one-sided conversation.  We talk at them….but are we really having a back and forth conversation?  Rarely.

There are those days were it can feel like all the communication we have with our kids is to give instruction, deal with discipline and shuffling them on to the next task.  It can be exhausting and leave you feeling a bit empty, and I am sure your child feels the same.

Creating relationships with our kids is extremely important – it is necessary to be intentional, focused and be curious to know who they are and what they think.  Two-way communication is much better because you will have:

  • Less chance of risky behavior
  • You know what your child is thinking
  • You know what your child is doing
  • You can influence your child
  • You teach them healthy emotional behavior

There is that saying – we as parents don’t ever want to be “friends” with our kids, rather we want to be their parent.  I agree with that phrase, but I know for myself…..I do need to be their friend in a certain sense of the word.  I need to learn to connect with them on their level, to show interest and engage. 

I can easily become wrapped up in my day and what I need to accomplish and completely forget or neglect  {Hangs head} the relationship with my kids.  Ugh, that is ugly to admit, but I do.  I find myself just a little too busy to stop and listen or sit down and play that game of Candyland.

So what can you do?  Maybe a few of the ideas I am working in will help you?

1.  Set aside 10 minutes intentionally to do whatever THEY want.  This can be so very hard for a task orientated driven mom.

2.  Read together, regardless of their age – maybe it is a book, perhaps a newspaper or article on the internet.  But sit next to them and connect and converse about a topic, depending on their age.

3.  Linger at the table – don’t always be in a rush to move onto the next thing.  Some of the best conversations we have as a family are around the dinner table.  It is true…. we just are more relaxed and everyone feels included.

4.  One on one time.  This is not a new idea, “dates with your kids” is something that has been around for awhile.  But when you have more than a couple kids, it can seem a bit daunting, especially when you factor in scheduling.  But it is important and I am trying to rebuild this into my schedule.

Kids are people too and when we treat them as such, they gain a positive sense of who they are and also respect for what we have to teach them.  The relationship we can create while they are living inside our four walls will truly blossom once they leave our protection too….one thing I am learning by having one already flown the coop and another one on his way very quickly.  🙂

An Updated Vision – Looking Ahead

23
Sep
2013


I am getting really excited to share with you a new look around here.  This has been a bit in the making and with any project, it has taken longer to get it going, but The Confident Mom is getting a facelift and it will be reveal in the next few weeks, so watch for it!

In the process of this time of ‘re-designing’ I’ve also taken a step back and looked at my transition in this space known as “The Confident Mom” website.  Several years ago, I started out mainly coaching moms.  I soon realized that only a handful of moms could afford to pay for individual parent coaching, yet there were so many other moms needing encouragement, resources, direction and support.  I created different group coaching programs in order to meet the need, like Becoming a Calm, Cool and Confident Mom, which is a wonderful go at your own pace course.

I also began posting on my site and created a blog, my first post was August 1, 2009.  It is embarrassing to look back, but you know – it is inspiring as well to see how I’ve grown as a writer.  I’ve also been a big learner with the entire internet portion of running an internet business,  a website and creating relationships over thousands of miles with people I will never meet!  It is mind-boggling how God can use anyone, including a big messed up mom like me to help others!  It is only through grace! [Read more…]

Free Kindle Today – Become a Confident Mom

10
Sep
2013


Today I wanted to share with you an excerpt from my book, “Become the Confident Mom You’ve Always Wanted to Be,”  which is available on amazon for FREE today!   I hope enjoy a glance at what you can dive into if you download – don’t worry if you do not have a kindle, you can download any kindle ebook on any device using the Kindle reading apps – just click here!

Enjoy…..

Confidence is all about how you feel about yourself. It does not matter what others may think or say but that you feel you are worthy and valuable. It is up to you to do it and make decisions without doubting or questioning your ability.

Today it seems that there are so many outside sources trying to convince us that we are not doing it right, doubting our ability to raise our families to be successful adults. It can be overwhelming and down right exhausting. [Read more…]

Holding Your Tongue

26
Feb
2013


No one would bite their tongue if they could help it. The title is figurative.  Although at my house we have a lot of tongue biting going on from one little 3 year old who is often very anxious to eat and things just get carried away, but that is another topic!

Sometimes, when speaking to our kids, they might say something that makes us want to speak, but we know that doing so would damage the relationship we’ve built.

What do you do in these situations?

It can be hard to know when to speak and when not to. That is a struggle for all of us. It can be even more of a struggle when you are talking about your kids. We only want the best for them, but sometimes that means not saying our piece.

Today I will share six reasons to hold your opinion for the sake of  your child

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Their friends are around

They are emotional

The consequence is bad enough

Children will make their own mistakes

Criticisms

Impacting their opinion

It can be hard to bite your tongue, but knowing when to can make life better for you and your kids.

Do you intentionally ‘bite’ your tongue?

 
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Bittersweet Transition

29
Apr
2011


For the past month I have come to the full realization that my daughter will be leaving home this summer for college and perhaps never truly return home.  Her room will lay empty and my heart aches at that thought.  As a mom who is always thinking of preparing, nurturing and teaching, I rarely connect with my ‘sappy’ side – except for lately.

I have become a little emotional about this reality.   It is even more difficult for me, I think because as a blended family I have had only half the time with my daughter as she grew up.  Yes, it was a choice I made and I am not going to go to that place which doubts or questions decisions I made many years ago, but rather try to allow God to help me sort through the emotions I am riding on.

A feeling of loss, some regret, urgency to do something more, words that need to be said and the courage to express them. [Read more…]