Chapter Eight – Learning to Love Your Real Home

18
Mar
2014

Changing-Hearts-Towards-Homes

I just came back from being out of town for 4 days – which for me is full of anxiety.  You see, I hate to admit I am rather a neat-nik, or one that likes to have things put away.  My stress level goes up ten fold if people are leaving stuff all over the house, not cleaning up after themselves and just plain being lazy.

Usually when I return from being gone I am met with incredible anxiety because, well……I have left 4 guys all on their own, and to be honest…..guys are guys!  They just aren’t that concerned with putting things away or cleaning up stuff they “just might use again real soon.”

So I was surprised when I came in and things were not a disaster.  My hubby had taken great care to have things picked up and he knew if he took that extra step, my stress level would be lowered, and I would be a happier mama.

I know, you might be saying, “I wish I had that”.  We all have our struggles for sure and we all live with a variety of people, but the one thing that I think changed for me, was that I changed my expectations.  I cannot expect the house to look like when I left, that is completely unrealistic.

Rather, I can appreciate what has been done with my heart in mind to create an environment that is less cluttered and messy.  Because honestly, I could have continued on a rant at what “had not” been done to my satisfaction, but I chose to appreciate what had been done.  {BIG learning curve for me, and still something I need to work on!}

We talked about clutter and organization in our last book study, “I Used to Be So Organized” and you might be able to get some tips if you did not read that book with us, as well as a post I did when my 2014 Weekly Household Planner was released.  I share some ideas on how to keep an organized kitchen as well as a post about creating a place your family loves to come home to.  All great additional resources.

The kitchen is the heartbeat of the home. 

I love the idea of using a kitchen timer to help you maintain some order in your home.  I was just talking with a mom I was coaching last week about using this item that is already in most of our kitchens, yet in a way that will keep us focused and on track.  How can you use it to help you stay on track of different tasks you need to do?

Determine which is the hardest room for you to manage and pick one thing to work on or focus on this week.

There are no perfect homes, so you have to determine what level of organization and cleanliness works for your family. 

Changing your Expectations

I’ve already shared how this is a critical place to start.  What does this look like for you?  What ‘ideas’ do you need to give up or let go?  How will doing so create a different level of peace in your heart or decrease stress?

Replace Fear

Can you find a level of comfort in allowing your home to be ‘guest ready’, so you can enjoy having others in your home rather than always coming up with excuses?  I love some of Jill’s suggestions.

Replacing Insecurity with Confidence

We are our worst critics – right?  I can almost guarantee that others are NOT thinking the same things that we tend to think of ourselves.  So why not try to change your thinking just a bit.  I know, it takes practice, a lot, but the sooner you start the better!

Replace Judgment with Grace

This has been a constant theme in this book – allowing for grace to flood our hearts.  Remember that you need to give yourself grace and learn to be okay with where you are and the path you have been given.

Embrace your beautiful, imperfect home – yes!  It is a place your family can gather in and feel safe.

What is one thing you highlighted/noted as you read this chapter?  Why did it strike you as important?

Have you changed your expectations about your house in anyway?  How has it helped you to love your real house?

No More Perfect Moms Week Eight

17
Mar
2014

Main-No-More-Perfect-MomsLadies, I cannot even tell you how full my spirit is as I write this – I just finished attending the Hearts at Home Conference and am amazed.  I was invited by Jill to come attend and was all set to learn some things I could share with you about motherhood, parenting and how much what we do each day really matters…..which I did learn a lot about.  But, God spoke to me – personally to me, whispering some things in my ear that I really didn’t want to hear, but needed to hear.  

I have been in a rough season of motherhood, and I have shared that with you, some bits and pieces…..but it is time for me to truly step up to the plate, kick of the spirit of being bitter and discontent and push ahead with a different attitude.

In my morning devotional time, I had this verse explode out of the page at me,

I have strength for all things in Christ who empowers me (I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses inner strength into me;  I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency)   Philippians 4:13  AMP

This verse changes things for me and I pray you can grasp hold of it and push ahead, no matter what you are struggling with right now.  I know for many – we have a lot of our plate to shuffle and manage.  I am thankful for those who have shared on the Facebook page where you are struggling so you can be lifted in prayer – ladies, He has got this for you!  Allow Him to lead you through, allow Him to strengthen you – you don’t have to do it all on your own!

I will hopefully share a bit more later this week about the conference as I get caught up, but if there is anyway you can make plans to attend the Hearts at Home conference next year, March 13 & 14, 2015 – please do so.   I have it on my calendar already!!

Here is the agenda for this week:

{If you are viewing this post via email, you will need to click through to the website to view the video}

 

Week 8:  March 17 – 21 , 2014

Monday – watch the video, download the discussion questions for WEEK EIGHT – there are TWO, Chapter 8 & Chapter 9 

Tuesday – come prepared by having read Chapter Eight, join the conversation

Wednesday – check in over at Facebook for a few questions 

Thursday – come prepared by having read Chapter Nine, join the conversation, begin reading Chapter Ten

Do you struggle with a ‘satisfactory’ level of clean in your home?  Do you feel you are always behind, or are you just having unrealistic expectations?

What spoke to you in the video?  Wasn’t it fun to see Jill’s home?  I am not sure I would be fine with having a video of my home, so perhaps that is something I need to work on.  I appreciate her genuine and open spirit – she brings the ‘real’ to the table and it is so refreshing.

If you have not already grabbed a copy of my FREE weekly Household Planner, I highly suggest you do – try a few weeks out and see if it helps you put perspective into your home care routine. 

Please share in the comments and hop over to the Facebook page.  

Chapter ONE – The Perfection Infection

28
Jan
2014

Embracing-Imperfection-bookstudy

Welcome again, to all the lovely moms who’ve gathered here to go through this study, No More Perfect Moms.  I know the video yesterday really hit home for so many – I loved reading what you shared on the Facebook page.  Here are a few in case you missed them:

Loved the video for today! It made me smile seeing those moms hold up signs of their children when they were younger compared to now. My 3 year old has been a handful lately.But I know he’ll grow up to be a great man because he will have God on his side. One day I’ll be able to make my own sign and encourage other moms the way this video encouraged me.

 

The idea that we compare our insides to the outsides others are able to present really resonated with me. I think I need to be as careful with my own feelings and self-confidence as I am with my children’s. I was realizing that I would definitely step in and want to figure out why someone was so hard on themselves if they said the things I tell myself internally all the time. I guess I need more patience with me.

Can you relate to either of these moms statements?

I think we all have great intentions to be Super Moms – the ones who have it all together all the time, but then reality hits and all those expectations we’ve placed on ourselves fall short.  It is almost like the feeling to be “better than” the others is automatically built into our nature when it comes to motherhood.  Do you feel that?

I can feel it and I’ve been a mom for over 21 years – with kids in all different seasons.  From the time I ventured into motherhood all wonder-eyed and full of excitement, I see how pressure has been beating down from all sides for me to be better, superior to the other mom who gave her kids chicken nuggets from the freezer every night and oh my – how about the mom you know who lets their child watch 4 hours of TV a day!!  GADS!!  

Well, let’s break the bubble right now ladies…..I’ve been at this mom gig for a few years and you know what?  Last night even through my effort to eat Paleo and feed my family really good food, we all ate Dinosaur chicken nuggets and Tater Tots for dinner last night.  Yep, no fruit or vegetable included – just processed food to fill our tummies.  

I also have been known to park my little guy in front of the TV for several hours to meet a deadline, take a much needed bath or even perhaps have a good cry when I am on day four of my husband traveling out of town.  Yep, the truth comes out.

Me…the one who encourages you to be your best mom.  Well you know, sometimes our best doesn’t look so pretty and perfect.  Some days are rough and when we allow ourselves the grace to just let our guard down and honestly…..get by, things turn out okay on the other side.

“There are no perfect moms – just imperfect women who will fall off the pedestal of their own expectations more often than they care to admit”  Jill Savage

I have very high expectations of myself and they hinder my ability to enjoy the everyday.  It is a process to learn to let go and God is working in my heart, but I know I am not the only one.  

Do you feel your expectations are too high?  

How did we get here, feeling like we have so many things to check off to be complete?

I am prepared in this journey to grow and this will unfortunately show you my “not so perfect” side I am sure through the journey.  So be prepared – I love to encourage you, I know we are all great moms, but there are always little changes that we can make so things run a little smoother, or we grow in an area that the Lord is tugging at us to.  

I need to make changes too and will be open and honest with the areas I struggle with and reveal some things that may surprise you.  But it is time for REAL here – this is the place and I pray for grace and your virtual hugs as I share from my heart and take you on a journey.

“Masks do not serve us well.  They keep us at an arm’s length from our friends, our family, and our God.”  Jill Savage

The mask will be taken off ladies, as it so often is here – you see the good, the bad and the ugly!  Please try to embrace where you are and where you would like to be.  This idea of high expectations giving us a ‘Perfection Infection’ is very real.

 As Jill says – we are constantly bombarded with these images of perfect families, neat and tidy rooms and way too much Pinterest!!  I love Pinterest, but it is something to be taken in small doses or you can really overload yourself with these perfect images.

So I challenge you today, as well as myself – to take a reality check.  I know that I miss so many of the moments of motherhood because I allow my emotions to carry me or I put too much on my ‘to-do’ list.  

How can you be present in a way that perhaps you were yesterday?

Remember, you are not alone – there are many of us here together – all sharing in this journey of imperfection.  We need to celebrate together and fight off perfection.

Did you download the discussion questions for this weeks chapter?  You can do that HERE.  Grab a notebook to place them in or jot them down in a journal.

Feel free to answer this question here on the blog:

What one-word emotion listed in Chapter One can you relate to?  Or do you have another to add to the list?   If you would like to share a bit more as to why that particular word resonated, please do.  I will be praying for each of these comments posted.

A Day in the Life of an Oily Mom

21
Jan
2014

A Day in the Life of an Oily Mom

Hello to all of you who are visiting for the “Day in the Life of an Oiler” series which began yesterday over at My Blessed Life! We left off yesterday with Denise sharing at Wholesome Mommy. So I am here to start off the rounds for today! 

A Day in the Life of an Oiler Blogger Series

I am thrilled to take you through a “typical” day in my life and share how I use Young Living Essential Oils in our home every single day.  

Since I began a year ago to incorporate essential oils in our home, we have had some incredible results. I’ve been able to support my moods, support our immune system, calm our house down of those tiring toddler outbursts and emotions, and so much more.

Grab yourself a cup of tea (or coffee in my case, with a dash of raw cream) and sit back and enjoy walking through a day in my life. Please, remember though – I have used oils for a year. If you are new to using essential oils or have not even started, please do not get overwhelmed with my routine or what I use. This is a learning process and also one that is personal to everyone’s budget. You cannot get all the oils you would ever want or need all at once, so make a wishlist and keep adding to your collection a little bit at a time!

Warning: I am authentic and real. You will see me without a shower in the videos and honestly just being “off-the-cuff”, so forgive my bedhead and my bathrobe!

Morning Routine

I begin my morning early. I am up at 5:30am and go out and chug down a huge glass of water, as well as a vegetable capsule that is filled with 5 drops of Lemon Vitality Essential Oil. I may take another capsule in the afternoon, or have a cup of tea and add a few drops of Lemon Vitality in that (which is really yummy)!

This helps kickstart my digestive system. Lemon is a natural energizer, uplifting, and a powerful antioxidant. I feel revitalized and refreshed. That is how I want to start my day. I am off to have my devotional time and get myself set for the day.  

When my family begins to get up, we start our breakfast routine, which includes NingXia Red, Mineral Essence and Super B for me.

NingXia Red® is a powerful antioxidant drink that contains whole Ningxia wolfberry puree – a super blend of blueberry, aronia, cherry, pomegranate, and plum juices, natural stevia extract, grape seed extract, pure vanilla extract, and Orange, Yuzu, Lemon, and Tangerine essential oils. Its health benefits include support from head to toe, via a whole body nutrient infusion.

Mineral Essence™ is a balanced, full-spectrum ionic mineral complex enhanced with essential oils. Since I have been using this to help replenish my magnesium I have slept better, had more energy, and felt refreshed.  

Super B™ is a comprehensive vitamin complex containing eight essential and energy-boosting B vitamins: B1, B2, B3, B5, B6, B7, B9, and B12. The complete B-vitamin profile in Super B not only assists in maintaining healthy energy levels, but it also supports the nervous system, aids in maintaining normal cardiovascular function, and helps with internal enzyme reactions

Remember: I already warned you of my horrible bedhead!

After we get dressed, my son and I have our little “oily routine” which I’ve created to fit the unique needs he has. He needs some help during his day managing his emotions (don’t we all!!!), focusing on tasks, monitoring his energy output, and keeping in balance. In addition, we always use Thieves to support our immune system.

I know many have asked what oils they can use on their children, how to apply, and what this looks like. I thought this was a perfect opportunity to share our routine in hopes it might help you create your own. Remember, little ones like to do things themselves, so if you can put most of your oils in roller bottles, it will help everyone!

Here is what I use in the video:  Valor (more on Valor here), Grounding, Peace and Calming (more on Peace and Calming here), and also my Special Recipe, which is:

15 drops Cedarwood, 15 drops Lavender, and 15 drops Vetiver in about 1 T carrier oil (Grapeseed or Coconut oil). I use an empty bottle. I had an empty Lavender bottle and filled it and put a roller fitment on top.

I have a lot of goodies I use all day long, so I combined them here for you. They include:  Young Living Thieves Toothpaste, Lip Balm, ART Skin Care System, Joy (more on Joy here), Progessence Plus, and Thieves Foaming Hand Soap.

I forgot to mention one other item that I use daily in our home and floats between the kitchen counter, bathroom, and in my purse – Animal Scents. I use it for minor skin irritations, occasional dry and irritated skin, and even put it on our dog who likes to lick her underside – A LOT! Animal Scents™ Ointment is blended with Melaleuca alternifolia and Myrrh, two of nature’s most powerful essential oils. It is a soothing salve formulated for external use on animals, but we humans love to use it and benefit too!

Animal Scents Ointment

Mid-Day Routine

I take a few other supplements during the day and wanted to mention those – Sulfurzyme, which is a supplement I use to help support my immune system, and Life 5, a high potency probiotic.

Daily Young Living Supplements

I run my diffuser all day in my home, switching between calming oils like Peace and Calming. But also as I sit and write or catch up on emails, I need a boost – on this day I chose to use Abundance, which was a new oil I had just received. It was perfect! This diffuser is the one you get included with your Premium Starter Kit. I love it and have two of these in our home.

Diffusing Abundance Essential Oil

I end up spending quite a lot of time in my laundry room. I am in there every day – funny how that turns out. So I certainly wanted to share how I use my oils in my laundry room. You’ll hear me mention Lavender, Purification, Thieves Household Cleaner, as well as my favorite dryer balls, Woolzies.

I love having Thieves Household Cleaner right under my sink. I use it to spray down counters, cabinets, the kitchen table, I spray on fruits and vegetables to remove all the toxic chemicals before we eat – it is so versatile. 

Thieves Cleaners

I have ventured out to using essential oils in recipes too! I love to experiment and what I enjoy about Young Living’s 100% Pure Essential Oils is that the Vitality line can be taken internally.  

Evening Routine

Our evening routine involves a few more essential oils and I use them in a detox bath, both myself and for my little guy. I love Lavender, Rosemary, and Harmony mixed with Epsom Salt. I also make a bath salt recipe and will use some of that pre-made mixture and add extra Epsom Salt.

Essential Oils Soak

When it is time to settle in for the night, I start the diffuser in my little one’s room. We alternate between Thieves at night and Peace and Calming. I have a total of 6 diffusers in our home, of course two of the Young Living, and also I have managed to add the MIU diffuser, which I love for bedrooms because the light can be turned off and you can determine the output volume and duration – plus the price is very reasonable. I also have the H2EO Ultrasonic Diffuser, which I also like for the same reasons as the MIU, but it is a bit higher in price.

Peaceful Sleep with Essential Oils

My bedtime routine involves a few “must-have” oils. Just before I slip under the covers I roll on some RutaVala, which is great for getting a good night’s sleep. I love that it is small, easy to roll-on, and I can use it if I wake in the middle of the night, which I did often and could not go back to sleep. But for the most part I sleep well and for the entire night now, but it is there in case of an emergency! I also use ImmuPower, Exodus II, and EndoFlex, putting them on the bottom of my feet and under my big toe.

Night Time Oils

So, there you have it – a lot of information and A LOT of me! I hope you learned a few things and maybe expanded your knowledge of using essential oils.

Young Living New Member Special

Are you ready to jump into this wonderful world of caring for yourself and your family naturally with essential oils? The time is now! Click here to learn more or contact the person who introduced you to “A Day in the Life of an Oiler” blog series!

Next up is Katy @ Goodness Gathering

Be sure to check out all 18 posts in “A Day In the Life of an Oiler” blogger series, click here.

 *These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. I am just a mom sharing my experience in order to help others, not a doctor.

New Online Book & Bible Study Announced

13
Jan
2014

Main-No-More-Perfect-Moms

I am thrilled to be able to share with you our next online book and Bible study for 2014 – drum roll please……

No More Perfect Moms by Jill Savage

Here is a synopsis of the book from amazon:

Jill Savage in No More Perfect Moms gets honest-all mothers struggle. We fall short of our own standard of excellence, which causes us to feel insecure about being the perfect wife with the perfect kids, perfect husband, perfect home, perfect friends, perfect marriage and perfect body . . .

This Perfection Infection attacks when we compare our insides to others outsides. No More Perfect Moms speaks to the root and reality of the insecurities mothers feel, and it provides The Antidote.

No More Perfect Moms will help a mom:

o   Change her unrealistic expectations to realistic hopes

o   Give grace and love to her husband and children even during struggles, and discover the beauty of grace when she stops judging herself and others

o   Find freedom from disappointment when she embraces her real family, her real challenges, and her real, but imperfect, life

I was so blessed to be on the book launch team nearly a year ago when it was released and it has been on my mind lately when someone else reminded me of it’s wonderful impression on them as a mom.  It is so true.  Jill Savage has such a way to relating to moms in a real and authentic way…..if you have ventured over to the Hearts at Home website, you will see that Jill is a long time supporter and has been in ministry supporting and encouraging moms for many years.

Remember the crazy day a few weeks back when my FREE Weekly Household Planner was shared a ‘bazillion’ times on social media and my system couldn’t handle all the requests??  Well, on that day, Jill had tried downloading it too {I was completely floored and honored, btw!} and she sent me a Facebook message about it.

After I got things straightened out with her getting her planner, I mentioned to her that her book was in the running to be our next study topic.  She was super gracious and excited and offered to help in anyway she can.  {This even amidst her current battle with breast cancer too, listen…..gals, she is amazing!  You can remember her in your prayers as she goes through treatment currently, she posts on her blog and also has a caring bridge account updating her progress}.

She even invited me to be her special guest at the Hearts at Home National Conference in March {even before I had told her we decided on using her book too!}  So the really fun part for me is that I will get to see Jill in March, shortly before our study ends – it will be super fun!  I can’t wait!!

Okay, now onto the study details and the information that you all are waiting to hear.

For those who participated in my very first online book and Bible study, “I Used to Be So Organized” which began in October, you understand what an online study entails.  For those who are new and have never done an online book study, here are the details:

  • The online study is run on the blog here at The Confident Mom – there is nothing you need to do to sign up, other than to make it easier, you may want to sign up for the blog posts to be delivered right to your inbox, but you do not have to do that.
  • It will begin on Monday, January 27th and continue until Friday, March 28th, 2014.
  • On Mondays I will post the weeks reading assignment, there will be  a short video to watch, Tuesday I will discuss the chapter that was assigned, give my perspective as well as give you questions to consider answering on your own.  Wednesday will be primarily a Facebook page discussion, although I will post on the other days as well, but Wednesday will be primarily a day to interact with the content that was read.  Thursdays post will give real life application objectives as well as give you the reading assignment for the following week.
  • There will be on average 20-25 pages of reading per week.
  • There is no cost to participate, but you will really only be able to participate if you purchase your own copy of the book, “No More Perfect Moms” by Jill Savage.
  • Once again for this study, we will have a Private Facebook Page where you will be able to share with other moms who are going through the study and get encouragement as well as interact with other moms who are joining in the journey too.  this is not mandatory, just an option for those who are interested.
  • I will be posting the reading schedule on Thursday, January 23rd – it will have the entire study outlined for you as well as the invitation to join the Facebook Page.

Feel free to share this with any friends who you feel might be interested in joining our journey.  As a bonus, Jill has kindly offered to give away two copies of her book!!  So please leave a comment below to be entered, letting me know someone who has encouraged you lately and what they did or said that was helpful.  

The giveaway will end at midnight on Wednesday, January 15th.  

WINNERS ANNOUNCED!    Beth and Lucy!!!

If you did not win, be sure to grab your own copy of the book, you can get it on amazon kindle for only $7.76 {price on 1/12} and in print for $12.03 new.

I can’t wait to get this study started with you all!

My favorite line from the book says it all, “While we’re pursuing perfection, we’re missing out on the most precious parts of life.”