Chapter Three – Unconscious Expectations

11
Feb
2014

Unconscious-expectations-main

Chapter three is all about our expectations for our kids.   Do you have unrealistic expectations of thinking your kids will be perfect, well mannered all the time and make all the right decisions?  Well, if you are still living within that little bubble world of yours, it is time for a reality check – Kids Make Mistakes!

Our kids make poor choices every single day, just like you and I do.  I know I get frustrated very easily when my kids make the same mistakes over and over and over again – but when I truly sit and think, I am sure this is how God must feel when He looks at me and my choices.  I make the same mistake over and over and over again.  You would think I would learn!

“Your kids are not perfect.  Their imperfections are not a reflection of you.  You can’t “control” them into perfection.  Allowing your children to fail – without getting your anger as a consequence – is a gift to them.”

I have gotten a lot better over the years dealing with my kids mistakes and poor choices.  I have been able to step back and let them fail – being there to help them pick the pieces up.  I am not perfect, by any means –  with my older kids I can keep my cool so much easier – they are older, I can communicate with them on an adult level and most all situations come out in the end to be really good learning experiences.  But when it comes to mistakes with younger ones, that is where I sin most and struggle the greatest.

I really expect more than what they are capable of or I do not want to have  breakdown in the midst of all the other things I manage.   I am learning some great techniques in another book I am currently reading along with this study, Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst.  My bible study group is going through this book and it is very helpful for anyone who struggles with emotional issues – whether it is outbursts or stuffing emotions.  Truly a help for me and no coincidence I am doing both studies at the same time.

Frustration gets the best of me and I am slowly learning how to deal with it and taking steps to work on those emotions that are buried deep inside.  It is because of the expectations I set on myself and my child that stress risesfor everyone, and that is not a good thing.

Sometimes our expectations are unconscious ones, I like how Jill puts that right out there and I would say it is likely an area I struggle with – unconscious expectations.  I do get frustrated quite often when I have to deal with behavior issues.

Curious, of the questions Jill shares asking you to determine a True or False answer, which question answer was the most surprising for you?

Did you answer false to five or more of the questions?  What did you learn about yourself?

“Unrealistic expectations discourage.  Realistic expectations inspire.”

The line right after this one that really spoke to me and that I need to write down was perfect, “Cut yourself some slack, give your child some grace, and watch the dynamics in your family change before your very eyes!”  AHHH, I pray it can be that easy!

Did you download the discussion questions yet for this week?  You can do that here.  If you are looking for the First Corinthians download from the discussion questions, you can find that here.

Can you identify one way you’ve had an unrealistic expectation for your child?

Beautiful Bedrooms and Baths

26
Nov
2013

 Peaceful-bedroom-haven

Chapter Seventeen:

A few key sentences that got my attention:

“Search your house for treasures you can incorporate in new ways.

The answer to your clutter problem is somewhere in here.  You probably know what it is, but you are avoiding it because of the domino effect.”

“Perhaps the answer lies in solving one problem, while allowing another to sit until you can address it.”

“Making sure the house is clean and organized is my calling in our family.”

The big one for me:

“More than making them functional, your private rooms, above all others, should be havens.  They should be retreats from the world, places of rest and beauty

I loved this chapter – it was full of such practical advice, tips and strategies to combat the ‘unorganized’ private spaces in our homes.  I really liked how Glynnis looked at the symptoms of certain problems, like “the closet being too full”  or “there aren’t enough hangars” and really took it another step to determine what the real problem was.  We avoid things like the plague!

You have some tips and tricks that you can add to your list of things to conquer in the weeks to come or perhaps you are set to determine to deal with some of these issues this week – good for you!  Remember, you won’t be able to do everything as we talk about it, but keeping a project notebook is a great way to go back and access the information.

One area that really spoke to me and I wanted to highlight here was about caring for your spouses, or others people’s stuff in your home, especially if they are messier than you.  I shared this on the conference call with Nikki, but I love what Glynnis shares here with regard to dealing with her husband and him leaving his stuff all over:

There were three options:  1) continue to nag uselessly; 2) leave the clothes where they were and hope he eventually picked them up; or 3) consider it a loving act of service to clean up after him.  Occasionally I get it right, and that was one of those times.  I chose option three.  Beginning that day, I picked up my husband’s clothes.

I began doing this with my husband, but also a few other people in my family.  It is great to teach skills and I do feel you must teach your children how to handle their things, but there is also a time to just clean up and do it yourself and bless them, instead of creating a nagging environment that does no one any good.  (There, that is my public service announcement for today!)

Make sure you hop over and listen to the call we had with Jane DeLaney last night – it was great!  If you didn’t purchase it before now – don’t worry, you can run over and get it now  and the rest of the series too.

Consider these questions, answer them in your journal, comment here or you can leave your comment on the private Facebook page.  

  • Is your bedroom a place that could be a haven if you were able to prioritize making it so?
  • Do you have one family member which in particular drives you crazy because they do not pick up after themselves?
  • Can you apply Ephesians 6:7-8 in your home and have peace in your heart?
  • If you had 15 minutes to do one task in either you bedroom or bathroom today, what would that task be?

Meal Planning for Health and Sanity

21
Nov
2013

 Meal-Planning-tips-emeals

Chapter Sixteen:

A few key sentences that got my attention:

“This required fuel for daily living has the power to take my focus off priorities, cause me to overspend, and steal my time.”
“With a plan, food take its proper place in our households – and that’s a healthy necessity and an enjoyable part of the day spent with those important to us.”
The big one for me:

 “Is it possible we have elevated food above the position God intended?  I believe he wants us to enjoy food – otherwise, we wouldn’t have pizza and brownies.  But it was never meant to dominate our days and checkbooks with overindulgence and unnecessary time and money spent running to the store or through fast-food establishments.”  (AMEN!)

 

 

 Next week on our Getting Read – Conversations that Spark Change Conference Call, we are talking with Jane Delaney one of the co-founders of eMeals and she will share with us not only ideas for meal planning, but how to keep your kitchen the heart of your home without losing your mind!  I can’t wait.  

Jane-DeLaney-Call-1

(If you missed my email blast last week, they have a great code – 30% off any meal plan using code:  CYBER.  They have dinner plans as well as add on’s for breakfast too – making meal planning even easier!)

If you haven’t tried it, I highly suggest doing so.


Save 30% with code Cyber

 

Oh, and just to get you started thinking about Thanksgiving, here is a yummy recipe for you to add to your collection from eMeals!

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Consider these questions, answer them in your journal, comment here or you can leave your comment on the private Facebook page.  

  • Do you have a meal plan system already working?
  • What is your biggest struggle with meal planning, time involved, coming up with ideas, or picky eaters?
  • Does cooking come to you as a natural, fun thing, or a tedious and time consuming task?
  • If you have a system that works, please share with others, this is an area that is troublesome for many.
  • Do you only plan dinner, or are you also in a routine to plan breakfast and lunch?
  • Are you able to grocery shop and get all your items together in one trip to avoid wasted time later? 

Does My Stress Affect My Kids?

24
Sep
2013


I’ve been under a bit of stress lately – I hate to admit it, but there are times it gets the best of me.   Stress for me not only reflects in my attitude, but higher levels of stress can trigger my depression and anxiety to begin to rise, which is not healthy at all and I want to keep far away, {thank goodness I have immediate help with my depression and anxiety right at my finger tips!}  I know we are commanded to not worry or be anxious, but the flesh so wants to take the drivers seat – can you relate?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, my prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7

“These kids are driving me crazy and no one is helping!”

When things get to be too much, often the ones in mom’s direct path take the brunt of the frustration. The way we deal with stress can affect our kids and will create a less than desirable atmosphere in our home.  In the moment, we forget the damage that can be done.  We yell, scream, roll our eyes in frustration, lose our patience and show our inability to control our emotions.  We act like children.  Embarrassing.  We teach our kids to do the same, which is really the wrong message.

Stress can be both good and bad. When we respond favorably in stressful situations, we learn to cope with the event and go on.  I’ve managed to become much better at running interference with rising stress.  I’ve been able to recognize the signs before I end up blowing my top.  I am so thankful, more often than not I just need to stop in my tracks, say a prayer and then breath deep.  When my kids see me stepping back and taking control, it teaches them a life skill that is extremely important. [Read more…]

Lavender Oil

2
Sep
2013

The use of Lavender oil in your home in nearly endless.  In my opinion, if I could only have one oil to use in my home I would chose a high quality, therapeutic, all-natural Lavender oil.   I would not be without it now!

If you’ve never used essential oils, you’re missing out on a true source of health and wellness for everything in your home, from the people you love, pets who love you to the cleaning supplies you need.

Lavender is a universal oil that has traditionally been known to balance the body and work wherever there is a need.  Not only does it relax, but it adapts to imbalances in the body and can also boost stamina and energy when the body is lacking.  Love using it in Bath Salts!  Lavender is like your fall back oil, when in doubt just dab with Lavender!  It is truly a beginners oil.

Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia) has a fresh, sweet, floral, herbaceous aroma that is soothing and refreshing.

This is one of the things I love about the Young Living Community I am involved in, so many people are excited to help you, it is okay if you aren’t sure what to do – plenty will help

Now, when my three year old gets a minor abrasion, he comes running to me to put a “dib-a-dab” {that is our unique term for treatment with oils!} on it.  I love that I can effectively treat injuries with oils that are completely natural, pure and not full of chemicals or hidden ingredients!

Come back tomorrow to find out what else I’ve been doing with Lavender Oil in my home!  I will share how I’ve helped calm down our family, treat our allergies and keep our home smelling like we don’t have two big dogs and a houseful of boys!

If you are interested in learning how you can purchase high quality oils at a discount – don’t miss this post!

Know Your Oil Company Well

When choosing essential oils it can be confusing!  There are so many available.  You can find low priced essential oils available in your local grocery store or online, but remember the old adage – you get what you pay for.  If you are using essential oils for therapeutic uses and internally, be sure to check with the specific oil company to ensure they are safe to ingest.  I highly recommend and will only give my family Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade oil, such as Young Living.

*These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.