I have been dreading writing this post today, ladies. My week has been likely one of my worst and I now I get to encourage you on how to love your child, be more patient and embrace your kids…..when I have done NONE of it myself this week.
Don’t get me wrong, I have tried…..but my own effort lacks so many times. I stumble and fall and guilt almost suffocates me. I need to be humble and admit when I have messed up and why it is hard to parent.
I am currently in a season of parenting that I just plain dislike, well…honestly it is more that I hate it. My ability to grasp hold of patience has been extremely fleeting for me and I am not sure why. I am great with the logistics of parenting, but the day to day ability to love and ‘go with the flow’ a bit more is almost nill.
“Motherhood stretches us. If we allow it, God will use our children to smooth our rough edges and strengthen our character.”
This is what I try to tell myself amid the days of endless conflict with my little guy, through the whining, crying, emotional roller coasters and failures of effectively dealing with it all. The bottom line, I still have so much more to overcome in this parenting journey, and God brought a little boy into my life in order to mold me into who He desires me to be.
It would be much easier for everyone if I wasn’t on this journey, let me just tell you! But I have to remind myself that the journey really is about everyone else and not so much about me. My selfish nature wants to yell, “What about me?” in the cyclone of my repetitive mistakes, and you know….I keep hearing back that it just isn’t about me, I am a vessel – and yes, there is work to be done in me, but what I desire is not really what I need to focus on.
There is so much more – and I am a speck in the picture.
Comparing and Accepting
I do compare my children; and as a blended family it is likely even more of an issue for me than I realized. I had not really given credit to until I read this chapter. Having children who are different is what all families are about, but when you add in children from different parents and all the unique challenges that come into play, I can see where I struggle with comparing and accepting my children just the way they are. It is hard to admit that, but it is true to a degree.
I love my kids, all of them….but I do think I struggle with how Jill describes unconditional love:
“Unconditional love, however, allows for difference, embraces failure, and celebrates individuality. Love is the strength that allows us to adjust expectations.”
She goes onto say that this unconditional love provides the perspective to us to NOT take their behavior personally…..AGH! That is exactly what I do – at least with my younger children. My older teens I can easily let go, but with younger kids I most definitely take it personally.
This week I am asking for God to help me embrace my child, as imperfect as he/she is and as imperfect as I am. I need to Resist Judgment and Embrace Grace.
Like I said my week has been a huge disappointment to me. But today is a new day. Yesterday, I had to change my way of ‘normal’ and decided to have my youngest help me out by having a hug break every hour – to help us connect. It worked fairly well, until I got busy and forgot to take the time to connect.
Around dinner time things started to escalate again, but I was able to calm things down because I still have some sense about me! I am the adult and need to step up.
I will try to remember the phrase, “brain growing opportunity” – if not for my child, certainly for me! And another thing, as I was looking for other posts to share and link to in this post, I ran across this post I wrote when my now 4 year old boy first came to our house, not knowing how long he would stay…..but I shared from my heart…..I needed to be reminded and create that picture in how I felt when he first arrived. Oh, how easily we can fogged remembering…..
Which antidote listed on page 66-68 do you most need to put into practice when it comes to loving your imperfect kids?
Start reading Chapter Four and I will see you next week!