I have the pleasure of introducing you to a NEW monthly columnist for The Confident Mom: Michele Neurauter of The Professional Family Manager. I know you will enjoy her expertise and fun take on this crazy journey of motherhood and the important role we have. Enjoy!
I am extremely fortunate to have a husband who is a very hands-on and involved father. I was never the only parent to change a diaper, give a baby a bath, get up with a baby in the middle of the night, or pick up toys. He’s been a little league coach, he’s been a parent in our childrens dance company’s production of The Nutcracker, he volunteers at their schools, and he reads stories to them. When he’s out of town, he misses his children…and his children miss him. I couldn’t ask for a better father for our children.
The job of being a father was never a “chore” to him. What was, however, was having to carry a diaper bag. The diaper bag didn’t bother him because it was big, bulky, or one of the gazillion pieces of equipment we suddenly had to start carrying around when we had children; it bothered him because of the pink and blue teddy bears all over the easy-to-clean vinyl. A guy carrying a baby is sweet, loving, and cute; a guy carrying a teddy-bear diaper bag is not so cute. My husband always said he was a grown man, and at the very least he’d like a little dignity toting around the baby gear. So when we had our second daughter, I splurged and bought a Land’s End diaper bag in solid black, something much more appealing to my husband’s self-esteem, even though the teddy-bear bag was still in good shape. In my book, my wonderful husband’s feelings trumped frugality…especially when he was so willing to change diapers…and I was pleased that, after literally months of looking, I found a diaper bag that didn’t have some cute cartoon character on it.
I was reminded of the whole “diaper bag shame” thing a few weeks ago, when I packed the Land’s End black diaper bag with my seven-year-old’s clothes for our camping trip. Thirteen years later I am still using this practical bag—a bag with multiple pockets that doesn’t scream “baby” that has also functioned as a pool bag, a book bag, a carry-on bag, and a craft bag. The bag with the pink and blue teddy bears was passed on to someone else years ago. Certainly, there was nothing functionally wrong with the teddy-bear bag; however, once I no longer had an infant, I no longer wanted to own it. As a thrifty person, I could have found dozens of other practical uses for the bag that didn’t involve taking it out and about with me, but I felt more comfortable just not having it at all. I just wanted it gone.
Why? Because I think I had a little (very little) resentment over the fact that, just because I was a mother, baby manufacturers decided I would want to carry a diaper bag with teddy bears on it.
I am proud to be a mother. I love the job I do and the responsibility I have. However, just because this is my career, being a mother does not mean that I want to look or dress like my child.
It’s no wonder so many women feel that they cannot escape being a mother when their personal belongings start looking like it was designed by Elmo or Hello Kitty.
As mothers, we are less likely to get “dressed up” for work because our work environment is similar to working at a construction site, a fast-food restaurant, and a farm; we are constantly cleaning, cooking, and working up a sweat as we care for our families and homes. The scene in the latest Sex and the City movie where Charlotte’s daughter plants two-big strawberry-jam handprints on the rear of Charlotte’s vintage Valentino pants, intended (I think) to get a laugh, got more “what was she thinking?” head-shaking from the audience, as mothers know you do not wear vintage Valentino while baking with children. Motherhood is messy work.
But having the best and most difficult job in the world doesn’t have to mean you need to completely abandon your femininity, self-respect, or sense of style.
So if a Winnie-the-Pooh bag doesn’t work for you, don’t feel bad about switching it out for a bag that you enjoy carrying.
It’s okay to be both a mother and a woman…and that includes how you dress.
Enjoy being who you are. You deserve it!
