By Lori Byerly
A common tool in coaching is to “begin with the end in mind.”
What that means is to consider a relationship or role and ask yourself how you want it to “end.” You might think about what you want your husband to feel about your marriage relationship when you near life’s end or what you want to have imparted to your kids when they reach adulthood (or some other milestone).
This kind of thinking can help you figure out where you want to go and give you some idea of how to get there. It also has a wonderful way of revealing your values, which in turn keeps you nicely focused on what is really important.
When I look at my husband, my first thought is that I would want him to know that I love and value him and that I’m glad to have shared my life with him. After a bit more thought, I want to have been a good encouragement and support to him (I want to be a plus and not a minus in his life).
Am I living the life that will make that happen?
Are my daily words and actions telling him how much I love him?
Am I there when he needs me?
Do I encourage him?
Or am I so busy with other things that I’m not investing in my real goals and values?
Looking at my two grown children, I have a slightly different perspective. They have passed one “end” (the “becoming an adult” milestone) and face still others.
As a parent, I hoped to give them the skills to make the jump to adulthood. My son did eventually get potty trained, my daughter did learn to balance her checking account and they both learned to do laundry. My son actually makes his bed without being told to and is an organized neatnik. My daughter, not so much, but she’s one of those colorful playful types, so we cut her a little slack.
I think, more than skills, I hoped to infect my kids with values that would keep them strong and give them a full and happy life. That is really tough though, because that means I have to live that life myself, as values are usually caught not taught.
I wanted my kids to have healthy relationships.
I wanted them to have a good work ethic.
I wanted them to think outside of the box, hunger for truth, be courageous enough to chase their dreams, and so much more.
I see much of that blossoming in their lives and it encourages me to continue toward the “end.”
And, of course, I have other roles and relationships – I include myself here, as well. I hope that at the end I can feel satisfied with my life. I want to love well. I want to have made a difference for others, made their load a little lighter, their walk a little easier (and perhaps a bit more fun and exciting too!).
Care to join me in the adventure? Imagine your life as it could be.
Grab a pen and paper. List all the different roles and relationships of your life. Imagine.
What does the end look like?
What do you want for the people you love?
What has meaning to you?
What do you want to be able to say at the end of your life?
Beginning now, what can you do to chase those dreams?
THE BEGINNING …
