The past six months have been a season of heavy loss for me. I’ve walked through the passing of a dear friend’s husband, the sudden departure of a close friend who went on hospice and was gone before I could say goodbye, another friend’s passing, and most recently, the loss of a long-time friend who is now dancing with Jesus. Each loss has hit me hard, like peeling layers from an onion, each one revealing a deeper wound. It’s been a challenge to process all of it, especially as the losses keep coming.
In the midst of my own grief, I’ve wrestled with how best to support those around me who are also mourning. I turned to my community, asking for their insights and ideas. This post is a compilation of those shared thoughts—a practical guide to help you support a friend who’s lost a loved one. As a society, we often struggle to know how to walk with others through grief. We don’t know what to say or do, so we do nothing. But doing nothing isn’t the answer. It’s through action, however small, that we can truly support one another in this difficult journey.
When I lost my dad, a few friends who lived far away sent me a meal box. It was one of the most touching gestures because, at that time, cooking or even thinking about food was just too much. I have a passion for providing meals for others in tough situations, like we used to do in neighborhoods and churches when life was more connected. A meal was like a little hug in the midst of surgery recovery, a new baby’s arrival, a death in the family, or long-term illness. If you’d like to read more about the power of sharing meals, I’ve written about it here.
If you want to be prepared with practical ways to help a friend feel less alone in their grief, here are some ideas that might resonate with you.
Practical Steps to Support a Friend Through Grief
- Send a Handwritten Card With a Gift Card: A simple card with a gift card to purchase a plant in memory of their loved one can be a beautiful gesture.
- Give a Willow Tree Angel: A handpicked angel figurine can serve as a meaningful remembrance of their loved one.
- Drop Off Essentials: Bring paper plates, napkins, and other disposable items so they don’t have to worry about dishes when visitors come by.
- Offer Childcare: Watching their children can give them the space they need to make funeral arrangements or simply have a moment of quiet.
- Set Up a Meal Train: Organize a Meal Train to coordinate meal deliveries from friends and family.
- Mark the Anniversary: Write down the anniversary of their loved one’s passing and send a card or text to let them know you’re thinking of them.
- Craft Scripture Notecards: Create a set of notecards with comforting verses and share them with your friend.
- Leave a Care Package: Drop off a basket with bath salts, coffee, a devotional, and some snacks.
- Deliver Groceries: Having groceries delivered can be a huge help when they don’t have the energy to shop.
- Offer Cleaning Help: Offer to clean their home or do laundry. Sometimes it’s best to just say, “I’m coming Tuesday or Wednesday. Which day is better?”
- Check in After the Funeral: Remember that life doesn’t return to normal for them after the funeral. Offer to sit and listen, bringing their favorite coffee.
- Schedule Flower Deliveries: Arrange for flowers to be delivered on the first holidays or birthdays without their loved one.
- Help With Hard Tasks: Offer to accompany them to meetings with lawyers or banks, or any other tough tasks they face.
- Share Memories: Open conversations by sharing your own memories of their loved one.
- Sit and Listen: Invite them to talk about their loved one, simply listening as they share what they miss.
- Avoid “Let Me Know if You Need Something”: Instead, just do something for them. Decision-making is often overwhelming for someone in grief.
- Bring Stamps and Thank-You Cards: This small gesture can make writing thank-you notes easier.
- Send a Thoughtful Gift: A mug, blanket, or book can be a comforting surprise.
- Schedule Monthly Check-Ins: Set a recurring reminder to reach out to them every month for the next year.
These practical steps can make a world of difference to someone walking through the valley of grief. Serving each other in these ways is what true community and friendship are all about. By lightening their load and making fewer decisions necessary, we can help our friends feel less alone in their journey. Grief is hard, but together, we can make it just a little bit easier to bear.
I would love to hear your suggestions on how you’ve supported others through grief or how others have supported you. Let’s keep building a community that lifts each other up in love.
