This post originally appeared on the Family Life Blog in December 2010. It seems to always be an area that families struggle with – getting out the door in the morning. So here is an encore presentation to refresh your routine!
Do you have one or more children in your home that seems to repeatedly run late? Perhaps they run around looking for their shoes, coat or homework? Maybe forgetting where they placed their back pack the afternoon before. Does it raise the stress level for your entire family? It isn’t a very good way to start your day, is it? Think of this…..Do you run late? Do you often forget where your keys are? How about finding your purse or shopping list? Do you see the correlation? Maybe not if in fact you are a mom who is fairly organized and then it frustrates you even more that you have a child that seems to be in disarray!
If running late is a key component to your mornings it is time for a change. You can help your child gain tremendous pride in their accomplishment of being prepared for their day and getting out the door on time in the morning. You have heard it time and time again; learning by example will get someone much further than just being told what to do.
I find that some busy moms I work with find it just plain easier to continue yelling 3 or more times trying to address the issue rather than changing their response. Why do we fall into those habits? Because – it is easier to stay the same than change. Face it, we are creatures of habit, and yet even when a pattern of behavior is NOT producing what we want, we seldom see another method to reach the outcome we desire. So stop and think about how your morning runs and how you could in fact be enabling your child to continue their pattern of running late and being forgetful.
Helping your child develop new habits starts with YOU. Plain and simple. You can certainly be the example he/she needs in order to come up with a plan that works. As we venture into a new school year, it is the perfect time to develop some new habits, both for your child and for you! I will focus on how you can help your child, but it doesn’t take a lot of thinking to see how you can adapt these simple tools into your life too.
Being Prepared
What can you do in advance to make things easier? Thinking ahead can certainly help make a difference and calm things down. Does your child have an activity the next day? Is his/her backpack placed in a spot where it is accustomed to being? You can even lay clothes out for the next day if that is a battle that ends up producing anxiety for anyone!
Remembering Tasks
I started using check lists when my kids were very young. These are all items that need to be accomplished by a certain time, normally before leaving in the morning. (making their bed, teeth brushed, pajamas put away, etc.). This helped me out because I didn’t have to be the drill sergeant and it also gave my child a great sense of pride as he/she accomplished these tasks on their own! In addition, once the checklist was finished they can spend the remaining time before leaving doing an activity they enjoy. I find too many parents let their kids watch TV or play video games before the work is done and then wonder why it is such a battle. Work before play is a standard principle in our home.
Decide what type of system is going to work for you and your child.
Work on it together and brainstorm about what will help them. You may be surprised at what they come up with.
Staying on Task
This one can be completely aggravating for many parents – because you have a dilly dallier! You know, the one who looks up from one task and is completely distracted by something else. We have used different things at different times, but a few that work well are using a kitchen timer to keep a child on task, having a one task at a time policy – where they cannot move on from one thing until one is completed. Also having them check in with you during their progress is helpful too.
Listening
Truly making sure your child hears you and understands the instruction can be half of the frustration. So, have your child repeat back instructions and then verify he understands. We also found giving too many instructions at once was not a good combination. Give one task at a time and wait until that is completed.
Set a Schedule
We set up a schedule for one of our boys that helped him use his time in the morning. He knew what time he was getting up, what time he could be lazy and “wake-up”, what time he had to start eating breakfast, cleaning up, getting dressed, all of that. It was spelled out for him so he did not lose track of time and then be scrambling 10 minutes before we needed to get out the door Slowly we began letting him try to use his time his way in the morning, and after a few mis-steps, he has managed to budget his time. This is much more effective than for us to continue to manage his time, and they way we set the schedule for him also gave him an idea and something to go from to learn how to budget his time. A great lesson all around.
Celebrate
If getting out the door in the morning has been a thorn in your side, sit everyone down and discuss how different the mornings are when things go smoothly. How much happier everyone is, how enjoyable the ride to school is or the walk to the bus stop is. Then think together what you could in fact do on the days that everyone cooperates and takes care of their own business to help the family out. Have a special after school treat – it doesn’t have to be big, just something little, like a certain favorite cookie or ice cream, or playing a game together or maybe this – you do one of your child’s chores that afternoon since they helped you out? Get creative, you can have fun finding ways to motivate you child to step up to the plate and be more responsible.
