Isn’t it strange as parents we often find ourselves reacting the same way to behavior over and over again, yet we are hopeful that ‘THIS TIME” it will magically bring about a different result?
Why is it that we continue to think if we do the very same thing….that maybe on the 101st time it will produce a different outcome?
Is it realistic to think that when you are battling the same situation with one of your children that suddenly the light will come on in their head and they will see your point and comply?
Or do you need to change your approach?
I talk a lot about controlling what you CAN control versus trying to control what you cannot: AKA your child!
As moms, we tend to get into patterns of behavior that produces and often even encourages behavior that most drives us nuts. We expect our children to somehow decide one day that they will automatically remember their backpack while headed out the door in the morning rush because we have reminded them 200 times for the past 6 months.
Let me just pop your bubble – it doesn’t work that way!
I am working with a mom right now who is struggling with getting all 4 of her kids to bed at night and feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. As we examine what she has been doing to encourage the continued non-compliance the light bulbs began to go off, indicating where she was in fact directly contributing to the continued uncooperative behavior.
What behavior in your home is causing you stress and triggering your unproductive outbursts?
What have you been doing that contributes to it?
Have you set boundaries around reminding, logical consequences and being consistent?
Pick one area, only one to focus on this next week. Truly examine what you are doing in this situation and change your pattern of behavior. In the situation with the mom I am coaching, we set up clear expectations that her older children would get their own bedtime tasks completed while she was getting the younger children ready for bed. After the younger ones were in bed, she then had 30 minutes to get her 5 year old down, if her 5 year old had completed most of those tasks on her own, then she got the remainder of that time to do something fun with mom. That is a logical consequence; mom now had time that she normally would have been running around nagging and coaxing to get teeth brushed and pajamas on. But now, her 5 year old can choose to do those on her own and then reap the benefit of having time to play a game exclusively with mom or read together. Her 9 year old has the same plan, and guess what….after only a few days it is working!
Most kids truly want your undivided attention and time.
They desire to share intimate moments with you.
Think about how you can remedy a frustrating pattern in your home by providing an opportunity to truly connect with your child.
Often times we over complicate solutions. They can be simpler than we anticipate and if you set a goal to be consistent with whatever change in your behavior you decide to make your reality could be looking quite differently very quickly!
How have you seen changes in your home when YOU have chosen to change your behavior?
