Chapter Three – Unconscious Expectations



Chapter three is all about our expectations for our kids.   Do you have unrealistic expectations of thinking your kids will be perfect, well mannered all the time and make all the right decisions?  Well, if you are still living within that little bubble world of yours, it is time for a reality check – Kids Make Mistakes!

Our kids make poor choices every single day, just like you and I do.  I know I get frustrated very easily when my kids make the same mistakes over and over and over again – but when I truly sit and think, I am sure this is how God must feel when He looks at me and my choices.  I make the same mistake over and over and over again.  You would think I would learn!

“Your kids are not perfect.  Their imperfections are not a reflection of you.  You can’t “control” them into perfection.  Allowing your children to fail – without getting your anger as a consequence – is a gift to them.”

I have gotten a lot better over the years dealing with my kids mistakes and poor choices.  I have been able to step back and let them fail – being there to help them pick the pieces up.  I am not perfect, by any means –  with my older kids I can keep my cool so much easier – they are older, I can communicate with them on an adult level and most all situations come out in the end to be really good learning experiences.  But when it comes to mistakes with younger ones, that is where I sin most and struggle the greatest.

I really expect more than what they are capable of or I do not want to have  breakdown in the midst of all the other things I manage.   I am learning some great techniques in another book I am currently reading along with this study, Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst.  My bible study group is going through this book and it is very helpful for anyone who struggles with emotional issues – whether it is outbursts or stuffing emotions.  Truly a help for me and no coincidence I am doing both studies at the same time.

Frustration gets the best of me and I am slowly learning how to deal with it and taking steps to work on those emotions that are buried deep inside.  It is because of the expectations I set on myself and my child that stress risesfor everyone, and that is not a good thing.

Sometimes our expectations are unconscious ones, I like how Jill puts that right out there and I would say it is likely an area I struggle with – unconscious expectations.  I do get frustrated quite often when I have to deal with behavior issues.

Curious, of the questions Jill shares asking you to determine a True or False answer, which question answer was the most surprising for you?

Did you answer false to five or more of the questions?  What did you learn about yourself?

“Unrealistic expectations discourage.  Realistic expectations inspire.”

The line right after this one that really spoke to me and that I need to write down was perfect, “Cut yourself some slack, give your child some grace, and watch the dynamics in your family change before your very eyes!”  AHHH, I pray it can be that easy!

Did you download the discussion questions yet for this week?  You can do that here.  If you are looking for the First Corinthians download from the discussion questions, you can find that here.

Can you identify one way you’ve had an unrealistic expectation for your child?

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