I was overwhelmed with your kind responses after reading my post yesterday. I honestly had trouble sleeping Sunday night because I was wondering if I shared too much. It is scary to reveal your heart to the whole world. The easier approach would be to continue on my way, showing you only the side of me which is all perfectly lined up and straight, which is not much of me, mind you! But instead, you met me with your words filled with grace letting me know you feel my pain and you in fact might be in the midst of your own.
I thank you for being that kind of community here. That is what Christ wants, us to build relationships and to share from our hearts and I want that to be this kind of place, even more so when we mess up.
For those of you who responded to me, sharing that your hearts were feeling much of the same as I was, I wanted to give you some steps to move forward and help get out of the pit.
I am still in the midst here, but am working hard on making things right and moving forward. It’s great to share feelings and know that others feel the same, but if I can’t give some concrete steps to help others move out of the mess, than I am not supporting you all the best I can.
I have not been a big journal person. There have been different times in my life where I have kept more of a diary , but gave up this type of exercise because I felt I didn’t have time for it. Honestly, I think that was my lame excuse. I don’t really feel I am much of a writer either, but the thing is, when you journal you should not be worrying about the writing per say, but rather just getting stuff out on the paper.
Over the past five or six months as I have been incredibly faithful in my morning devotional time (thanks for the HelloMornings group I am a part of) I have kept a journal. Some mornings I write 2 sentences, sometimes it is just a verse that touched my heart, other times it is 3 pages of stuff overflowing from my gut. This has been my tool to unwind emotions, frustrations and find even the simple joy in the seemingly unimportant when I otherwise wouldn’t see it. Being the task orientated person that I am, I often find these types of ‘ways to explore my emotions’ as a waste of my time. So far from the truth and I am sure a way of the enemy to keep me from digging deeper.
Morning Quiet Time
This will have been beat into your head and mind forever! I can tell you over the years I have been very faithful in my morning devotion time and also a big fat “loser” in making sure this happened. But I will say, and I know it to be true – when I spend the time in His word and allow Him to work on me first thing – before I start anything else, it makes a difference. I can find hope, even in the midst of my sinfulness and frustration. I can be recharged and encouraged to keep pressing forward.
When I miss the time or am in bed thinking I will just sleep a little bit longer, like I did this morning, my body now actually begins to ache knowing what I will miss out on. I know I will not get what I need in order to fulfill the needs my family has for me to serve. Even in the midst of my bitterness and discontentment, I can find bright spots to carry me forward and it comes during this special time each morning.
I enjoy being surprised! If you have not discovered YouVersion, an app for your phone or iPad, get it. You have a wonderful array of different bible studies that you can choose from and they are all free! I usually have three or four different ones going at the same time, add that to the verse and passage for the day, that everyone else reads who is doing YouVersion, you are all set! I love that it seems whatever comes up on my screen for the day is exactly what I felt God needed me to read. I also am doing a Joyce Meyer 365 day devotional – Promises for Your Everyday Life, one on Serving, Hopelessness and Attitude. Um- hum….yep, I need all those areas right now – BIG TIME!
Taking time each morning to pray for myself, my husband and my family has made a big difference in my attitude and my ability to serve. I admit, some mornings when I am feeling quite discontent or frustrated, it is hard to pray, but I force myself to do this out of faithfulness and obedience. I found that when I write out my prayers in my journal it can be helpful – I can go back and review what I’ve prayed and can be so encouraged to see how The Lord has been working, even when I cannot really see it. Because He is!!
In His Word
You have to be in His word – period. However you choose to make this happen, do it. His word has the ability to change – and I can honestly say that when I am at my most frustrated the last place I want to be is curled up on the sofa pushing pages in the Bible and seeking His truth. But I know that is the enemy revealing in his success of taking me away from my Savior. The one who gave it all so I could live – if Satan can succeed in keeping me out of God’s word, then he has won half the battle.
Find scripture that moves you and motivates you. Write those down on 3 X 5 cards and place them everywhere. Be reminded in the midst of your day that He is here with you. I have felt such relief with these scriptures:
I find myself calling out to God more and more during the day. instead of having this feeling like, I can handle it all, I realize I cannot and need Him even more. If I do not call out for Him to intervene with His wisdom and guidance, then I am really on my own and portraying a mindset that I can do it all, which is not the case and arrogant to say the least.
Yep, I found myself in church Sunday just crying. I couldn’t say exactly why, but I felt relief. I am an introvert and I keep things hidden and inside. I think it makes things so much easier, but that is not always the case. Find a place to be vulnerable, let emotions flow and allow His healing to emerge.
Yep, keep doing this over and over – it is an ongoing process!
I pray that The Lord will meet you wherever you are, in whatever mess you find yourself. It is never too late or is it too overwhelming. Know that I am praying for you all – we are a community of moms trying to do this whole gig right. It is hard and we need each other nearly as much as we need Christ. Give yourself GRACE ladies – GRACE!
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